Through Your Eyes, To Your Soul
by BoundFromHonesty
Summary: After Lindsey is in a car crash, she has lost her memory. She's determined to seek out who she was in the crash with. And then she gets life-changing news. She's pregnant. Who's the father? And why can she see into people's soul?


**Through Your Eyes, To Your Soul**

I woke up feeling dizzy and nauseous. The room was spinning around me. I felt sick, like I was going to throw up, but I controlled it. The spinning stopped thank goodness. I looked around me. There were people, people I didn't recognize. I didn't know them! I wanted to scream but I couldn't. The people looked nice and friendly. I didn't speak. I was too afraid to. I closed my eyes and opened them again, hoping that this was all just one big, terrible dream. But it wasn't.

"Lindsey? Are you, awake?" a lady asked me in a kind voice. She had light brown hair that was tied up in a messy bun. She had a pretty complexion. It was soft and warm. She looked familiar, but I didn't recognize her.

"Lindsey?" she asked me. What was she talking about? That's not me, I'm, I'm....who am I?

The girl ran out of the room. I looked around. The walls were a light yellow color. It was a small room. About it few people could fit in it, no more than that. I was in a bed and covered in a white sheet. I sighed and closed my eyes.

I tried to search my mind for memories, but all I remember is waking up here, and maybe something else, something....painful. I shook my head out of the thoughts. The lady who called me Lindsey came in along with two other people. One was wearing a white coat and looked old and wise. The other was a woman wearing jeans and a gray jacket. She looked a little bit like the lady who called me Lindsey, but older.

"Lindsey darling? Are you alright?" she said. I could tell she was very worried. I didn't say anything for awhile.

"Lindsey? Doctor, what's going on? Why isn't my baby speaking? Doctor?" she asked the doctor, who I'm guessing was the old man.

"She might have amnesia." he said calmly.

"WHAT?!" she yelled.

"Calm down mam. It's alright. Just keep her going on with her life as if none of this happened and her memory will come back in no time. Now, make sure you be careful not to scare her and call me if there are any problems, okay?" The lady nodded and a tear fell down her cheek. The doctor left the room and the lady came over beside me.

"I guess I should tell you everything." she told me. I nodded.

"Well, your name is Lindsey Richardson. I'm Rosie Richardson. The girl over there is your older sister, Amy Richardson." she pointed to the lady with the tied up brown hair in the messy bun. "You were in and accident, a car accident. You have amnesia, honey." Another tear ran down her cheek. "You don't remember a thing do you?" Now the gir-, I mean Amy, started crying. I shook my head.

Around two hours later, we were in a car. It was tan and had comfy seats. Amy sat in the front and I sat in the back. I looked outside the window. The sky was a gray color, as well as the clouds. It started to rain. I started to drift off to sleep. It was a weird dream. I was talking to someone, but I couldn't tell who. I seemed to enjoy the time with them. I was looking out the window. It was raining, like it was when I was conscious. There was a bright light, and I heard a scream. I then realized it was mine.

I woke up. It was just a dream. But it seemed so real, and familiar. Like it had happened before. Was it a memory?

I got out of the car and looked around. The house was white and had black shudders. There was a stone pathway to the door and a little garden. The rain had stopped so there were mud puddles everywhere. I followed Rosie and Amy through the black door. Rosie told me to take off my shoes or else I would track mud in. I did as I was told and took them off. Amy took off her coat and placed it on a little wooden coat rack that was attached to the wall. I took my coat off and did the same.

Rosie gave me a tour of the house. I wasn't sure if I would remember any of this, I'd probably get lost. We got to what was supposedly my room. The walls were a light blue color. There was a bed that was beside a window that looked out onto the front yard. There was a closet and a dresser as well. There were so many clothes in the closet. They looked so cool! I wanted to try them on, but later, not now. Now, I tried to take it all in. I laid on my bed, closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Rosie woke me up. It was dinner time. That was good, I was starving! I followed her downstairs and into the dining room. It was sad, because everything was so familiar but I couldn't remember a single thing about it. I tried to, I tried so hard but I never could. I warm, salty tear fell down my cheek. Rosie wiped it away.

"Um, dear? Why don't you go to the bathroom and wash up, okay?" I nodded my head but as soon as I was about to take a step, I forgot where to go. Rosie told me how to get there. I walked in. The walls were a nice, neutral color. The shower curtain was white and the rug was as well.

I stepped up to the sink and started washing my hands. I looked up, and in the mirror, was a familiar face, MY face. I gasped. It didn't look much like Rosie's or Amy's, but different, in a good way.

I had dark brown hair with reddish tints in it. It was long. It stopped at about mid-back. My eyes were an emerald green color. Something told me that this face resembled someone that was not Rosie or Amy, but, someone else. My father perhaps? Maybe. I stepped out of the bathroom and saw a table full of pictures. They were pictures of what I looked like when I was little. I looked happy. There was one of me on my first day of kindergarten, there was one of me and Amy standing next to each other, and there was another one. It was a picture that got my attention very quickly. It was a picture of me and a man. We were fishing, I think. He look so familiar. The features on his face seemed to resemble the one's on mine. Was he my father? He sure looked like it. I was interrupted by footsteps coming my way. I looked up and saw that it was Rosie. She led me to the dining room and showed me where my seat was. The food looked so good and it smelled amazing.

After the wonderful dinner I went upstairs into my room. BZZZZ-BZZZZ! I jumped at this noise. It was so scary! I didn't know where it was coming from and I didn't want to. I ran back downstairs.

"AMY!!!! AMY!!!! COME HERE! AMY!" I yelled.

"What! What is it?" she asked concerned.

"There was a loud buzzing sound in my room!" I imitated the sound. She started laughing. Why was she laughing? I didn't find this funny.

"Um, Lindsey? It's just your cell." she told me.

"My what?" I asked. I didn't know what it was. It sounded weird.

"Um, I'll just show you." She led me upstairs into my room and took something off my dresser. It was small and silver. She showed me how to use it. She showed me what she called a 'text'. She said it was from one of my friends'. Her name was Marissa. It said:

Hey Lindsey! U okay? Ya no Danny feels horrible right? He came back 2day and looked so depressed :( He wouldn't talk to any1! I don't think he forgives himself.

It took me awhile to read it. It was confusing, but Amy helped. The name Danny sounded familiar. Really familiar. I think it might have something to do with the boy in my dreams, even though I never saw him in them.

I had trouble falling asleep. I kept tossing and turning, but finally, my eyes closed and I slept. I had a weird dream that night. I was with the boy, but not in the car.

A hand was softly stroking my hair. An arm was wrapped around my waist. I felt happy. The boy's lips were pressed up against the top of my head. He was humming a familiar song. I just closed my eyes and listened. I could hear the rain pouring down outside the window, but I just focused on the humming. That's all my dream was. Just me and this mystery boy. I still didn't see his face.

BEEEP! My alarm went off. I yawned and pressed the 'off' button. I got out of bed and looked through my closet, happy that I was going to wear on of these outfits. I loved them! I put on what Amy said were skinny jeans. They were a dark blue color. I put on a white t-shirt that had some writing on it in blue. I grabbed a Navy colored jacket and some sneakers and went downstairs. Mom, which is what Rosie told me to call her, gave me my breakfast. It tasted amazing! Chocolate chip pancakes and toast with butter melted on it! And apple juice. I quickly ate it and got my stuff for school. I asked Mom why I was going and she told me it would help me recover. I told her that I was worried but she said she already told the school so they would be easy on me and help me in the best way they could. Amy drove me to the high school. We both went there. She told me that I was in 9th grade and that I wanted to become an author.

I walked inside, absolutely terrified. A girl ran up to me and hugged me. I screamed. Who was she?

"Lindsey! You're back!!! Yay!!!" she said. She had long, curly blond hair and dark brown eyes. She was pale but had freckles on her face. She looked confused when I didn't respond.

"Um, Sharon, there's something I should tell you." Amy said.

"What is it?"

"Lindsey can't remember anything. After the accident, she woke up in the hospital not remembering a thing." Sharon's eyes were wide. She gasped.

"I'm so sorry! Let me introduce myself. My name is Sharon Barker and I am your best friend in the whole wide world." she said with a big grin on her face. I just nodded and stared blankly at her. Her grin faded. She cleared her throat and took my hand.

"I'll show you where your classes are." she said, not looking back at me. We had homeroom together. We walked in and she showed me where I sat. She sat down next to me. Some boy walked in and for some reason, I felt my heart skip a beat. It felt like he was so important to me, but how? I felt like I wanted to run my fingers through his soft, golden brown hair and stare into his blue eyes. But his ice blue eyes looked hard. If they were daggers, they would be lethal. But when he looked at me they were filled with sympathy and something else I couldn't quite describe. His mouth formed into a hard, firm line and his eyes went back to being hard.

He sat down far away from me, which somehow made me sad. I think Sharon noticed this, so she tried to distract me with conversation. I didn't listen to half of what she was saying. It was just words that I didn't even try to pay attention to.

"Good morning students! Please stand for the pledge of allegiance." a strange voice said. It sounded like and old man, but when I looked around, I didn't see one. Everyone stood up, obeying him. I did the same, still very confused. They put their right hand over their heart and started reciting words from memory. I had no clue what to do so I just moved my mouth and did what they did. Once they finished they sat back down and so did I. Sharon explained to me why we did that. I didn't quite understand, but I didn't ask anymore questions.

RING! I jumped. Sharon started laughing at me. Why? Did she not here this loud beeping noise? Everyone got out of there seats and left the room. I gathered my things and Sharon and I did the same. We had first period together, so she showed me where my class was. The teacher was teaching a subject called Science. It sounded interesting, but at the same time, very boring.

That boy walked in and my heart skipped a beat, again. He sat closer than last time. The teacher walked up to him and talked to him, but I couldn't tell what they were saying. The boy stood up and walked over to a seat next to me and sat down. For some reason this made me very happy.

"Okay class, settle down." the teacher said. "Miss Richardson, I understand that you were in the hospital and you have lost your memory. I hope you get it back." he said. He didn't seem to care all that much though. I glanced at the boy. His eyes were wide and he was staring off into space. I waved my hand in front of him. I didn't know why I did this, though I felt like I had to. he blinked a couple of times and looked at me.

"Don't do that again." he said. It scared me a little.

"Somebody's grouchy." I said. I didn't know why these words came out of my mouth, but they did. I quickly covered my mouth. He just rolled his eyes and stared at me. I looked into his eyes. I saw a twinkle of light in them. The light got bigger and bigger. In the light he was standing there. He looked like he was in pain.

Then he flashed to anger, and the light turned to a dark red. It slowly went from the dark red into a dark blue, and he looked sad. Then everything went black and I found myself lying on the floor, my eyes wide open, staring into his. I flinched and inched away from him. He looked at me with curiosity.

"U-uh, y-you're in pain. You're angry too, and.....and sad." I told him quietly so only he could hear. The moment his eyes widened I knew I had been right. He slowly stood up, still looking at me. He took his books off his desk and and walked out of the classroom without saying another word.

I stood up and sat back down in my desk, trying to act like that didn't happen, but it failed. I laid my head down on my desk and waited for this wretched day to end.

As the day passed on, I got used to the noisy hallways, the ringing of bells, the slamming of lockers being closed. But there was one thing I wasn't quite used to, that one boy from science class. The way he looked at me; one minute with sorrow and pain in his eyes, then the next with anger. When Sharon noticed this, she would always try to distract me or pull me in a different direction.

At lunch he sat alone at a table far away from mine. When I told Sharon that I wanted to go sit with him, she said a quick 'no' and continued to talk to the others. Even though the table was crowded with people, I felt alone. I look over at the table he was sitting at, and stared at him. At first glance, a person would say that he looked emotionless and like he could care less, but by the look in his eyes and the way his hands trembled, I could tell he was torn apart.

"Is that Danny, Sharon?" I asked her. She stopped talking, everyone did, but then she continued, ignoring my question. I figured that I wouldn't get my answer by asking her, so I decided to sneak away from the table while no one was looking. I put one foot in front of the other. It seemed like it would take forever to arrive at the table, but I was there, standing in from of the boy whom I assumed was named Danny. I wondered if he would respond if I called out that name.

"Danny." I said quietly. His trembling hand froze and he dropped his fork.

"Who told you my name?" he asked me coldly. A shiver went up my spine. I set my tray down on the table and sat down across from him.

"Please. Please tell me what's going on." I begged with pleading eyes. He shook his head.

"LINDSEY!" I heard Sharon shout. I felt a frightened expression run across my face, and for a slight moment, I thought I saw a bit of amusement in Danny's eyes, but it went away as quickly as it came. I heard her stomping over here and I knew that she was angry with me.

I turned around and looked at her. I looked back at Danny. He went back to eating, an emotionless expression worn on his face. I was so confused. Sharon grabbed my arm and pulled me up from my seat.

"What are you doing? Let go of me!" I yelled at her. She just stood there, still holding my arm.

"Come on. Sorry to disturb you Danny." she said, smiling at him. He looked up and nodded. I yanked my arm away from her and picked up my tray. I stormed away from them to the trash bin and dumped the food off my tray. I set the metal tray on the counter where the lunch ladies take it away to wash it. I wasn't sure how I knew where to dump my food and put my tray, but I ignored trying to figure it out.

I didn't talk to Sharon the rest of that day, and I tried my best not to look at Danny. When I got home, I even tried to ignore Rosie and Amy, but I couldn't. They were such nice people.

"So, how was your day?" Amy asked while we were eating dinner.

"It was okay. Do you know who Danny is? Sharon tried to keep me away from him, I could tell, no matter how hard she tried to hide it." I told her. Rosie stared at me with wide eyes. She got up from the table and left the room.

"Is she okay?" I asked Amy.

"After the accident, things were a little rough. The doctors thought you weren't going to make it. I remember Mom crying for hours that night. She yelled at Danny the next day and banned him from ever seeing you again. I think he's depressed over what happened." she said. It explained a lot, but I wanted more.

When it was time to go to bed I brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom. When I was finished, I changed into my pajamas and hopped into bed. I wondered if I would dream the same thing I did the other nights, or would it be different?

_"I got you something." he said, in a sweet, loving voice._

_"What is it?" I asked, eager to find out. He told me to close my eyes and turn around, so I did. I felt something cold lay against my chest. A thin piece wrapped around my neck. When I opened my eyes, I saw his face. For the first time in my dreams, I saw his face. It was so beautiful that my heart jumped and my stomach twisted. I longed to touch that face, to be with its beholder. I longed to kiss those lips and hold that hand._

_Though he kissed me in my dream, it wasn't enough, it didn't feel real. He pulled away and pointed to the thing wrapped around my neck. It was a necklace, of course. It had the words 'Happy Birthday' hanging on it. I stared into his eyes, but then the light came. I saw pain, anger, and sorrow in them again. But before everything could go black, I felt something grab my arm. _

_I looked behind me and saw Sharon pulling me away from Danny. I looked back at him. He looked emotionless._

I woke up screaming. My screams turned into sobs, and before I knew it I was being comforted by Amy in her lap. She kept shushing me and stroking my hair, but the dream was still there, fresh in my head. I couldn't get it out.

"It's okay Lindsey, calm down." she said.

"But I...I can't. My dream...." I said between sobs.

"What about it?"

"He was in it. Danny was." I told her.

"What happened?"

"He gave me a gift. It was a necklace. Then Sharon came and took me away." I said, calmer than I was before. She got up and walked towards my bedroom door.

"W-where are you going?" I asked her.

"I'll be back, but be quiet." she told me. I nodded my head and waited. A few minutes later, she came back. She sat down and I saw a small box in her hand. She opened it and took something out.

"Hold out your hand." she commanded. I did as I was told. She placed something in it. I looked at it. It was the same necklace from my dream.

"But how..."

"Mom gave it to me to keep away from you. Danny was the one thing she didn't want you remembering." she told me.

"Thanks."

"No prob." she said. She gave me a quick hug and then slipped out of my room.

I walked into school the next day wearing a jean skirt and a purple top. I wore my necklace, but I hid it under my shirt. I wasn't sure whether I should be wearing it or not, besides, I didn't want Rosie seeing it. I saw Sharon walk up to me with someone beside her. It was a girl that looked about my age. She had long, light brown hair with blond streaks in it. It look really straight and it had a purple clip in it. She had big, brown eyes and freckles.

"Hey Sharon." I said.

"Hey. Lindsey, this is Marissa. She's another friend of yours. She couldn't come to school yesterday because she was coming home from her cousin's wedding." she told me. I nodded and tried to smile.

"Hey Lindsey." she said. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him. Danny. He was at his locker, slowly putting away some books and slowly getting a few out. Suddenly, I remembered that Marissa was the one who sent me the text the other day.

"Didn't you send me that one text the other day?" I asked her.

"What text?" she asked, obviously lying. She defiantly knew what I was talking about, but I don't think she wanted me to know that.

"Nevermind." I mumbled. They shrugged and walked away. This was my chance, my chance to be alone with him. I gathered up some courage and inhaled a deep breath. When I was in front of him, I lost it. I lost my courage and my breath. He looked at me, but then he quickly looked away. He turned around, but I didn't want him to go. I was too afraid to speak, so I left him alone.

Later that night, I was in my room, playing with my cell phone. Amy showed me how to use it and she told me to be careful with, and to never drop it in water. I yelling coming from Rosie's room. I quietly opened my door and crept close to her door.

"Why are you keeping this from her? She'll remember it eventually! It's no use!" I heard Amy say.

"I know, but it's best that she doesn't remember for now. Danny didn't harm just one person that night." Rosie said.

"Was someone else in that car? A friend?"

"No, not a friend." Rosie told her. There was a pause. After a few seconds, I heard Amy gasp.

"Oh god. She....she was pregnant wasn't she?" I imagined Rosie nodding.

"Mom! Why didn't you tell her this? You have to!" Amy said.

"I can't. In the accident, the baby was lost. It would break her heart." I felt my stomach twist in pain and I looked down at it. I saw tears fall on the floor and I knew I was crying. I ran to my room and slammed the door shut behind me. I locked it and fell onto my bed. I sat there, sobbing.

"Lindsey? Lindsey honey, please open the door." Rosie said.

"Go away." I told her. I heard her walk down the stairs, but then I heard a different set of footsteps approach my door.

"Lindsey? We need to talk. Please open the door. I know you heard." I heard Amy say. I walked over and unlocked it, but I didn't open it. I went back over to my bed and plopped right down on it. A few seconds later, Amy opened the door. I burst out in tears and put my pillow over my head. I felt Amy sit on the bed and pat my back.

I suddenly found myself screaming as loud as I could. My screams were being muffled by my pillow though.

All I heard Amy say was, "It's okay, let it out." When I was finished screaming my throat was in pain. I felt myself shaking violently and tears soaked into my pillow. It seemed like it had been hours when I finally stopped, but a few minutes later, I was really tired. I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I fell asleep. I didn't dream anything that night, which made me feel a little bit more relaxed the next day.

I walked into homeroom and sat down. I laid my head down on the table and closed my eyes. I wasn't sure what to do anymore. I felt lost, like I could never find the end of the maze that was my life. I felt like I could never gain back what had been taken from me. My memory, my life, my...baby. I cringed at the thought of those words and I was on the verge of tears.

I looked up and saw Danny sitting down at his usual spot. I stood up out of my chair and walked over to him, trying to act calm. I stood in front of him now. He looked up at me and then down.

"Can we talk, please?" I asked him. It took him a few seconds to answer.

"Sure." he said. He stood up and I walked towards the door. I went into the hallway and stood to the side.

"What is it?" he asked while staring at the necklace I wore. It was the same one I wore yesterday, and I didn't want to take it off.

"I overheard Rosie and Amy talking yesterday, and..." I started. It was hard for me to find the words in my head. I looked away and closed my eyes. I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to speak.

"I heard them say something. They said..." I couldn't say it. It was too hard. I felt a warm, salty tear roll slowly down my cheek.

"They said that it wasn't just me you harmed in the accident." I said quickly, my eyes still closed. I opened them to see his face. He looked confused.

"But no one else was with us that night and the guy in the other car was okay." he told me. I guessed that either he didn't know, or he wasn't as smart as I thought.

"She said..." my hands were trembling now. "She said I was pregnant, and that in the accident, the....the baby was lost." My voice broke on those last words. I was now standing there in front of him, crying in the hallway. I heard him bang his fist on the locker hard and then he swore. Then I wondered, Was the baby his too, or someone else's? I decided to ask him, though it felt a little odd.

"Um, do...do you think it was yours too?" I asked him. I felt so stupid. His eyes widened.

"I-I don't know." he said looking down.

"Do you hope it was?" I asked. He looked at me, and stared into my eyes. I stared into his and saw that light again. It turned blue and I saw him. He looked sad. It started turning to a pinkish color and he looked different. He looked....in love. Then everything blacked out.

When I opened my eyes, I was in his arms. I blinked a couple times and looked away. He helped me up off the floor and then walked back into homeroom. Luckily, no one was around to see what had happened.

I sat down on a green, wooden bench and waited for Amy to show up so we could go home. People were walking to their buses and talking to their heart's content, while I was lonely. Sharon and Marissa were being taken home in Sharon's older brother's car. I stiffened up when I saw Danny walking towards what I guessed was his bus. I looked around, wondering if Sharon, Marissa, or even Amy was in sight. When I saw they weren't, I ran towards him.

When I was running, I couldn't stop! I kept running, but when I tried to stop, I accidentally knocked him and myself into bushes nearby. I hoped no one saw, but I was sure that there must have been a few people. He swore and shook his head. He looked up at me with confusion and fury in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." I managed to choke out. I looked into his eyes, scared that I might black out again. They were such pretty ice blue. For a split moment, they softened when he saw me, like ice melting into a river, a river that was beautiful and flowing, but then it froze into hard, cold ice. I looked away before I could get lost into them. I rolled off him and laid there beside him.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"I couldn't stop." I told him.

"So you ran into me?"

"I didn't mean to."

"There are a lot of things that people don't mean to do in this world, yet it happens." he said. I could tell by the tone in his voice, he was talking about our situation. About the car wreck, me not remembering anything, and everything else. It was obvious, but he didn't mean to make it that way, or did he?

"I forgive you." I whispered to him quietly.

"Yeah right. How could you forgive me if you don't even remember what happened?" he asked. That made me flinch. I was on the verge of tears again.

"I'm sorry, it's just that, you're not the same and it's hard." he said.

"Hard for you?! How could it be hard for you?! I'm the one who lost my memory! I'm the one who falls asleep every night knowing some painful memory will come along! I'm the one..." I couldn't continue. I was crying now on the ground. He turned on his side-though I could barely see it through my tears- and held me close.

"I want my memory back. I want to be myself again." I told him in a squeaky voice.

"I want you back too." he said.

"Lindsey?" I heard someone say. I looked up and saw Amy standing in front of us. Danny stood up and walked out of the bushes.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I'll tell you on the way home." I told her. She nodded and helped me up off the ground. As soon as we walked out of the bushes, I saw Danny's bus pull away. We walked to her car. I hopped into the passenger seat and shut the car down. Amy got in a moment later. I sighed and looked at her. She started the engine and pulled out of the school parking lot.

I woke up feeling a little more calm. I felt like tension was being released from inside me and that I was getting used to my surroundings. I hoped that after yesterday's little incident would make things a little better between Danny and I. I hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom. I brushed my hair and started studying my appearance.

"What are you doing?" someone said. I jumped and looked at this person. It was Amy. She was standing there in her pajamas and yawning. This made me confused because usually she got up before me because it took her longer to get ready.

"I'm getting ready for school." I told her.

"But it's Saturday."

"And?"

"We don't have school today, or tomorrow." she said. I nodded my head and she left. This made me slightly sad because I wouldn't be able to see Danny. I went back into my room and crawled into the safe warmth of my bed. I couldn't stay awake, so I fell asleep.

_I walked through the crowd of people, not sure where I was going. I looked around and bumped into someone._

_"Hey cutie!" he said. He wore a black t-shirt and baggy jeans. His black hair was short and his grey eyes were untrustworthy. He wobbled in place a little. _

_"Go away." I told him. I tried to move around him but he blocked me. I could smell his alcohol-filled breath. It was disgusting! I didn't know why I was here. Danny said we were going to his friend's place to watch a movie, but we both didn't know it would turn out to be a party, well, I didn't. Kids were sneaking beers out of the fridge and walking around drunk. _

_The boy grabbed my arm and I gasped._

_"Don't be scared cutie, you know ya like meh!" he said. I shook my head slowly. His breath made me want to vomit._

_"Come on girly, lets go." he said, his words a little slurred._

_"No!" I told him. I yanked my arm away and ran in a different direction. I turned around a corner and stopped. I saw Danny talking to another girl. I hid behind the wall and listened in._

_"So, what's your name?" I heard the girl ask._

_"Danny." he said._

_"Mine's Cassie. Big party isn't it?" she asked._

_"Yeah, it is. So, do you have a boyfriend?" I gasped loudly, but I wasn't sure if they heard me over the music._

_"No, but you could be." I heard her say._

_"Uh-" he was about to say something but I cut in._

_"Danny?"_

_"Is she your girlfriend?" Cassie asked bitterly._

_"Well, yeah-" _

_"Were you going to cheat on me?" she interrupted. She looked at me with angry green eyes and flipped back her platinum blond hair._

_"N-no! I don't even want to be your boyfriend!" he told her. Her eyes widened furiously. She stomped her foot and walked away a little drunkenly. I looked back at Danny._

_"Can you please just take me home?" I asked him. He nodded and led me towards the front door. Someone grabbed me by the arm, but Danny kept walking on without noticing. I fell to the floor and was being dragged somewhere. I looked up and saw that it was the blond guy from earlier, the one that called me 'cutie'._

_"Let go of me you drunken freak!" I yelled at him. He stopped walking and looked down at me._

_"Shut up!" he screamed at me. I sat there terrified and frozen. I didn't even realize it, but he was dragging me again. His pace was uneven and he couldn't walk straight. I started screaming for Danny, but it was no use. The music was too loud and he was probably outside, thinking that I was with him._

_The blond guy pulled me up off the floor and slammed me agaisnt the wall. My breath was knocked out of me and I was gasping for air. He traced his finger on my collarbone and sent a shiver up my spine._

_"I been lookin' for ya cootay." he said. His words were really slurred now and I could barely understand him. Then I heard Danny's voice calling me. It was loud, but for some reason it got softer, and softer, until everything faded into a subtle darkness. _

__My eyes flew open instantly. I looked over and saw Amy sitting on my bed next to me.

"Are you okay? You were screaming and calling for someone." she told me.

"It was just...just a nightmare." I told her. She gave me a disbelieving look.

"Are you sure?" she asked. Even though I told her everything, for some reason I didn't want to tell her this. I nodded my head and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It read 10:43 AM.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" she said.

"Uh, yeah, totally." I told he and faked a smile.

"You're a horrible liar. I can tell something's up, especially after yesterday."

"Did you tell Rosie?" I asked in a panicking voice.

"Don't worry, I didn't. I won't. I think what she's doing is wrong. You deserve to know everything! Unfortunatley, all I know is everything I told you or you heard from the other night." she told me while picking at a loose string on her pajama top.

"But please tell me. We weren't very close before the accident, and now I thought I'd have a second chance at being your sister. Your friend, too. After almost losing you, that's all I want more than anything right now." she said. Her words sent waves of guilt run through me. I stayed silent. She got up of the bed and walked to the door, but she paused a foot away from it.

"By the way, you should call Rosie mom. She is only trying to protect you and care for you, she doesn't like you calling her Rosie. She just wants things to be normal again." she said, and then she left.

The doorbell rang and I heard Amy answer it. Rosie invited relatives over; she thought it would help me to remember things. I still called her Rosie in my head, but I called her 'mom' to her face. A man, a woman, and a little girl came up to greet me. A boy that looked about my age followed them. He wore black skinny jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt, and black converse. I remember Amy showing me a pair of converse I had in my closet upstairs in my room. She called them high-tops.

He had midnight black hair and blue eyes. Could he wear anymore black? I thought to myself. The little girl had dark brown hair that fell onto her shoulders and big brown eyes that made her look sweet and innocent. The woman had the same black hair as the boy but she had her daughter's brown eyes. I gasped when I saw the man. He looked so familiar. His hair was a reddish brown, like mine, but darker and his eyes were the same green as mine.

He walked up to me, along with the rest of his family, and smiled.

"Hey Lindsey! I'm James, your father's brother, well, twin actually." he said. That's why he looked so familiar! Of course! I grinned at him and the rest of the family. Amy led them into the living room, but the boy stayed behind.

"Hey. I'm Eli." he said holding out his hand. I nodded my head and shook it.

"You already know me." I told him.

"Not quite. When I was little, I always stayed with my grandparents' instead of coming here. And for the past couple years I've just been staying home, but my dad made me go this time because of what happened to you." he said.

"Oh. Um, okay." I said. "I'm gonna take a walk. Do you want to come along?" I asked.

"Sure." he said. I went into the living room and told Rosie we were going on a walk before we left. I grabbed a blue sweater and we walked out the door.

"So, how is everything? Are you remembering anything?" he asked. I knew at least someone would ask these questions.

"It's hard. I really wish I could remember everything, and be myself again. I feel so confused and mixed up. Sometimes I wish I would've died in that hospital. Every emotion burns into you and sticks. When I'm angry, it feels like I'll never get over it, and when I'm sad too. It's just, too much to deal with." I told him. I wasn't expecting on telling him that much, but it just came out, like writing in and old diary, your pen scribbling down your exact thoughts and feelings.

"Look, everyone would be really sad if you died in that hospital, and the person who was driving in that car with you that night would feel really guilty!" he said. His words were a legitimate truth that no one could deny. Not even myself.

"I wish I could tell you everything." I told him and sighed.

"What's stopping you?" I looked at him and smiled. I started from the first moment I woke up in the hospital. It felt like he was my own personal journal, where my thoughts and feelings sputtered out like crazy. I wondered how he felt about that. I let out a sigh of relief when I finished.

"This must be tough for you." he said. I nodded and stopped in my tracks.

"Can you come with me?" I asked him.

"Where?"

"To Danny's house. I have to see him. I need to talk." I told him.

"Um, I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Please! Please! I'm begging you!" I pleaded. He didn't answer. I thought he never was going to, until he looked me in the eyes.

"Okay, but we have to be quick." he said. I grinned at him.

"Just please don't tell anyone." I told him. He nodded. We continued walking. I wasn't sure where my feet were taking me, but I figured that I'd end up there somehow.

"So, this guy's really important to you?" he asked.

"A lot more than you'll ever know." I told him quietly. I looked at him, but he was looking away. I could tell now that the rest of the walk was going to be silent. Ten minutes later, we were finally there. The house was an off-white color on the outside with dark gray shudders. There was a pathway leading up to a porch and a red door. A built in two-car garage was on the left.

I walked up the pathway, my heart slamming against my rib cage painfully. I wasn't sure what to do, but all I knew was that I was drawn here for a reason. I felt Eli's hand rest on my shoulder for comfort. I looked at him and he nodded in encouragement. I looked back at the red door and slowly walked towards it. As I walked up the white, wooden proch steps, they creaked underneath me, sending a shiver up my spine. I stepped onto the welcome mat and pressed my finger onto the doorbell.

I closed my eyes as it rang. As soon as I heard footsteps approach the door, my eyes flew open. A women that looked around Rosie's age opened it. She had light brown hair and blue eyes, just like Danny. She smiled warmly at me.

"Hello." she said.

"Um, is Danny here?" I asked. My hands were shaking and I could feel sweat forming at my hair line on my forehead.

"Yes, sweetheart. Let me get him."

"Thanks." I told her, trying to smiling. She walked away to a set of stairs.

"Danny, someone's here to see you." she called up to him.

"Be right there." he yelled to her. I flinched when I heard his voice. She looked over at us and smiled. I heard Danny's footsteps coming down the stairs. My heart slammed harder against my rib cage and I couldn't breathe. Eli looked at me with concern. I looked at him and shook my head.

"I can't. I can't. " I whispered to him.

"Yes you can." he whispered back. He smiled at me and then look at Danny's mother. I looked at her too. Now Danny was standing next to her, his eyes wide and furious.

"Mom, can you excuse us for a moment." he said. She nodded her head and left the room. Danny walked up to us. He glanced at Eli, and for a moment, I thought I saw a hint of jealousy in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not sure." I told him honestly.

"Then leave." That hurt me, like a knife cutting into my heart.

"Eli, can you please give us a moment?" I asked him.

"Sure." he said. Danny moved a little to the right and Eli walked in. He walked towards the direction that Danny's mother was in.

"Look, I'm not exactly sure why I came here, but I wanted to." I told him. I couldn't explain this sudden attraction I had to him.

"Come with me." he said. He took my hand and we went up the big wooden staircase. Steps, once again, creaked underneath me, sending shivers up my spine. He took me into a room with blue walls. It wasn't outrageously messy, but it was that neat either. I sat down on his bed with him. He was still holding my hand.

"I had a nightmare last night." I told him. He was silent.

"You were in it. And so was Cassie and a drunk." He looked at me with horror in his eyes. I felt tears coming to my eyes. No Lindsey! Stop crying! It's not the time for that, I told myself. It was weird. I didn't seem like myself, well, who I am now.

"Tell me about it." he said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Well, we were at this party and this drunk guy wouldn't get away from me. I saw you talking to a girl named Cassie and ask her if she had a boyfriend. Was this a dream, or a nightmare?" I asked him, hoping he would know. He was silent. I felt like I was never going to get anything out of him.

"I'm guessing it was a memory, since all my dreams before were." I told him. He looked at me and then at the floor. I could tell that he regretted ever going to that party, and that he felt so guilty for what he did. He wanted the old me back, badly.

"It will be awhile." I said.

"Until what?" he asked, sounding clueless.

"Until I remember everything. Until I'm me again. I guess we'll have to be patient. Ugh! It feels like I'll never be the same again. I'll never be the real me! I don't even remember what the 'old me' was like." I told him. I started crying, my tears dripping onto my jeans. His hand touched my face and a shock went through me. He held my chin now, but gently. He pecked me on the forehead, then my cheek, and then my lips. While he did this, my eyelids slowly closed. I opened them when he stopped. He wiped my tears away with his free hand.

"I can't love you." The knife came back to my heart, now slicing it into pieces and burning me on the inside. My heart slammed against my chest and I once again found it hard to breathe. I took a sharp, jagged breath in, but it hurt. Everything hurt me now, my eyes burning with tears, my heart slamming against my chest, my breath sharp and jagged. The emotional pain was worse. My mind racing around with questions, but answers never came. Feelings rushing through me like a hurricane. Everything swirling around me in despair. This hurt me too.

I wanted it to stop, however, the more I tried, the more it hurt. The sorrow caused my uncontrollable tears. The anger caused the burning sensation within me. The hurt caused the cutting of my heart. And the disbelief caused the heavy, sharp, jagged breathing. The door swung open. I could barely see who it was through the blurry vision my tears gave. Whoever it was swore, but then by their voice I could recognize them.

It was Eli. The room suddenly became tense.

"Come on Lindsey, we're leaving!" I heard Eli say. Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me up. I was guessing it was Eli. But then, someone else-probably Danny- grabbed my other arm and pull me down. I yanked my arms away from them as hard as I could and I stormed out of the room. I blindly ran down the steps and tried to walk to identify where the door was. It may be red on the outside, but it was as white as the walls on the inside.

I finally found the knob and opened the door. I ran, not bothering to shut the door behind me. I went where ever my feet carried me. I didn't know which direction to run in, but all that was on my mind was to run. This was too much. This life was too much. I've heard of something called 'suicide' which is when a person kills them self. I've also heard that it takes many lives, and that it leaves many people devastated and in disbelief that they lost someone close to them. I couldn't do that, especially not to Amy. I knew Rosie would feel terrible, but Danny would never forgive himself.

I was sure that if I did commit suicide, however Rosie felt about him, it would be ten times worse, and I couldn't leave Danny like that. I heard footsteps gaining on me. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked back. It was Eli. He was chasing me down, and fast. I tried to quicken my pace but he just ended up running faster. He finally caught up and grabbed my arm. I didn't exactly stop, so I fell down, bringing him with me. I felt his warm body next to mine. I looked over at him. He rolled over on his back and shook his head, a few blades of grass tumbling out of his black hair. I looked at him, into his eyes. I knew I would look into him, into what I guessed was his soul, but that was what I wanted.

The light slowly came. I never realized how beautiful it was before, maybe it was just me, or him. It took over my vision, drowning out everything around me. I focused on the light, searching for something, anything! The light went to a soft, delicate pink that sent a funny feeling through me that I couldn't quite explain. Why was it pink? I asked myself. I then saw him. He just stood there, the pink light engulfing him into it. It surrounded him with such breathtaking beauty that I felt sorrow wash across me when the darkness came.

It masked the pink light and then everything I saw. The darkness overtook me, filling me with a feeling of emptiness and despair, sorrow creeping through. When I woke up, I was in Eli's arms. I looked around. We were on a bench at a park. No one was here though. I looked at Eli's face. He was sleeping, his breath light and even.

He looked so calm, so peaceful. His midnight black hair contrasting against his smooth, pale skin made him look almost angelic. A slight, cool breeze blew through, causing his hair to move a little. I didn't want to wake him up, but I knew I had to sooner or later. I lightly touched his hand.

"Eli. Wake up Eli." I whispered to him. His eyes flickered open. He smiled when he saw me.

"Are you okay?" he asked me. I nodded.

"Why aren't we home?" I asked.

"Well, after we fell, you were looking at me. You kept staring at me and then you closed your eyes. I wasn't sure if you were sleeping or something so I brought you to the closest bench nearby. I was tired too, so I took a nap." he told me. I nodded.

"Why did you get so angry at Danny?" I asked him. He shrugged. I started thinking about my nightmare the other night. The drunk, Cassie, Danny. And then I thought about the argument I had in the hallway with Danny. We both didn't know who the baby's father could have been. This was something I didn't tell Eli. I didn't want him thinking the worst of me. But then again, this wasn't something I couldn't keep from him, especially after he dragged my butt to this bench. It would eventually slip out and no longer be a secret. I took a deep breath, inhaling through my nose.

"Um, Eli?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"There was a part of this whole story that I didn't mention to you." I told him.

"Okay."

"Well. One time, I was in my bedroom when I heard yelling coming from Rosie's room. I crept over to the door and started eavesdropping on them." I remembered that night like it just happened. My stomach twisted painfully.

"I heard Rosie say that it wasn't just me Danny put in danger that night, and we didn't bring any friends along in the car. Apparently, I lost the baby in the accident." I told him. If there were any tears left in my eyes, they would escape and roll down my cheeks like the wet, salty drops that they are. His eyes widened, like Danny's did when I told him. I couldn't decipher the emotion that hid in his blue eyes.

"Look, I don't know who the father was, but my best guess is Danny." I told him. He shook his head.

"I'm not related to you. My parents' are really good friend's of your family's." he said. I wasn't sure where he was going with this, but I listened anyway.

"My parents' were too busy to visit, so they sent me down here with your Uncle to say 'hi' and stuff like that. And I lied."

"About what?"

"About never meeting you before. I did meet you, a few times." he told me.

"Okay, but why are you telling me this now?" I asked.

"The first day we met was when we both were in 7th grade. We started talking, and then we became really good friends. A few months later, became a little bit more than friends. I loved spending time with you. You were real, and you spoke the truth." he said smiling.

"But after that, I didn't see you for awhile. On the last Christmas break, my family and I came over to visit. We spent every day together, talking, laughing, messing around. And then, on christmas night...." he trailed off and sighed.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I loved you." he said, looking into my eyes. I gasped. He looked off into the distance, ignoring the expression of surprise and disbelief that I wore on my face. I clutched my stomach, thinking of the possibility that he could have been the father all along. It was no wonder I could feel so comfortable around him, that I could tell him everything with such ease and that he would listen so carefully and be so patient.

"Why?"

"Because, I thought you loved me too."

"No. I mean why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why did you lie to me?" I asked him.

"Your mother told everyone not to remind you of these things." he told me.

"Oh yeah!? Well screw her! All she's been doing is trying to keep these things from me, but I'm not stupid!" I yelled.

"I know you're not. I was scared of Rosie at first, but then I was waiting until the right time to tell you, when we were alone." he said. He put his arms around me and stroked my hair. We stayed like that until dawn came around. We stood up from the bench and walked home together, holding hands.

When we were close to the house, it was already dark. The air was cooler. Wind gently brushed across the surface of my skin, leaving goosebumps where it touched. It blew across my collar-bone, sending a shiver of delight through me. My hair flew around and then gently rested upon my shoulders. I giggled and Eli smiled at me.

It was a starry night, the stars shining with all their beauty down upon us. The moon and it's magnificent light shown down around us, leaving everything looking absolutely exquisite. I inhaled a breath of the cool, crisp air and let it out slowly. I looked at him. The whole time we were walking I kept stealing glances at his beautiful face.

His eyes were so soft and gentle, unlike Danny's. They reminded me of an ocean. I wished I could go to that ocean, the ocean that would take me away to an oasis, one where I could be with him forever. His nose wasn't pointy, but it wasn't that round; it was in the middle. His pale face wore no freckles or signs of acne, it was smooth, porcelain skin. His bottom lip was a tad bit fuller than his top one. They were a pale pink color. I yearned to kiss them, though had to suppress this, for I wasn't sure if I was quite ready for such a thing.

His soft, glorious hair almost blended in with the night sky. It was amazing! He was taller than me, but not too terribly tall, just the perfect height. He was a little bit muscular, though not like the guys on the football team at school. I longed to trace my fingers across his smooth skin. To look into his ocean blue eyes. To kiss those lips, and to run my fingers through his silky hair. He was too good to be true, and the sad part was, that he would be leaving soon. We probably wouldn't see each other for a while. I had to fulfill my desire, at least before he left.

I stopped walking. Once he noticed, he stopped looked back at me with curiosity. I stepped closer to him. He was stunning under the moonlight. It lit up his features perfectly, only making me want him more. A little kiss wouldn't hurt, right? But was that what led to him loving me over Christmas break? My mind told me to not take the chance, but my heart was beating wildly for him. Faster and faster it would go, making the situation more intense and suspenseful.

I held both of his hands now, facing him and staring, trying not to look into him, his soul. I inched closer and closer, until I could feel his breath. It smelled like peppermint, probably because he ate a few mints while we were walking. I placed my fingers gently on his cheek. He placed his fingers on my arm, caressing my skin, drawing goosebumps where he touched.

I looked at his eyes, careful not to look into them. I wanted them to take me away right now, to my own oasis where I can relax with Eli by my side. My fingers moved from his cheek to his hair. It was so soft and delicate. My fingers ran through it now, his hands no longer holding mine, but his arms around my waist. He moved one of his hands up from the hollow of my neck to my cheek. He cradled it with the palm of his hand.

He pressed his lips up against mine; I could tell he was being cautious with me. I pulled on his bottom lip a little, just playing a bit. He wasn't being as cautious as he was before. He held me tighter, his strong, warm arms around my thin, fragile body. For a moment, I thought his eyes did take me away to an oasis, but I was brought back to reality when he pulled away. He shook his head.

"I don't know if we should be doing this." he said.

"Why?" I protested.

"It's just, we won't be seeing each other that much, and your mom would be furious if she found out. Secrets don't last forever you know." he said glumly.

"So. Can't we at least have one night together? One that we can remember?" I asked. I realized that maybe I shouldn't of said that.

"We did have that one night, over Christmas break. You did remember it, but not anymore." he said, looking down. I gave him a hug and then went on walking to the house. I heard his footsteps a few feet behind me, but they never sped up, nor did they get any closer to me.

I had that dream again, the one where I was in someone's arms, and they were stroking my hair and humming a familiar tune. The one where I did not see their face. I was sitting there in his arms. The humming had ceased and now there was silence, except for the incompetent beating of my heart. His lips were now pressed against the hollow of my neck. My head was lying against his chest, my eyelids shut.

_"I love you." he murmured. His voice sounded so soothing and familiar. I looked at him, though it was a little hard. He lifted his lips away from my neck and pressed them against my lips. In an instant I knew who this person was, and it was not Danny, but Eli. It was that Christmas day, that 'special' day. _

_I turned towards him more and wrapped my arms around his neck. His back touched the wall, as well as my knuckles. I pulled away and rested my head on his shoulder, panting a bit. He continued down from my lips to my cheek and then to the hollow of my neck. I kissed his cheek and a moment later our lips found one another. My fingers were tangled in his silky black hair as his were in mine._

_His hands were at the edge of my shirt, which worried me a little, but I ignored it. I rested my forehead on his for a moment and closed my eyes. He held me tighter and kissed me gently on my cheek. My lips pressed against his again. I was thankful that everyone else was out that night at a Christmas party. If they walked in on us right now they'd be horrified and we'd never be able to see each other again. His hands lifted up my shirt an inch. I pushed them down, reminding him that it was too fast._

_We continued with our kissing for a few minutes, and then he pulled his lips away._

_"It's been awhile, since I've seen you, and I'm not sure when I'll see you again. We're moving a little farther away, two hours to be exact, so it will be harder to come down and visit." he told me. I held on to him tighter. It wasn't fair that we already were two and a half hours away from each other, but four and a half hours was ridiculous!_

_"I don't want you to go!" I told him, my face was now buried into his chest. I looked up at him and studied his face. I would miss seeing it as much as I used to, but now, I wasn't sure when I would see him again. How many years would it be? Three? Four? I buried my head back into his chest and listened to nothing but our breathing and my heart beating._

I woke up feeling very nauseous. I jumped out of bed and ran straight to the bathroom. I got to the toilet and threw up in it. I heard footsteps walk up to the bathroom door.

"Lindsey? Are you okay?" they asked. It was Amy. I shook my head and continued on with my sickness. She felt my forehead.

"Hm, your forehead isn't hot. Are you feeling well enough to come to school today? There's a basketball game at 2:00 and Sharon and Marissa really want you there." she told me.

"Uh, yeah, I think I'll be fine. I was just feeling a little nauseous anyway. I'll get over it." I said.

"Okay." she mumbled and she left me alone. When I was finished I stood up and brushed my teeth, trying get the horrible, disgusting taste out of my mouth. I brushed for fifteen minutes when finally my mouth tasted minty-fresh.

I went into my bedroom and picked out something to wear. I put on skinny jeans and a lilac top. I shoved my feet into my black flats and rushed downstairs to eat breakfast. I didn't tell Rosie about my sickness, in fact, I tried to avoid her all morning. It made me furious to know that she was keeping things from me. When I finished my breakfast, I went to Amy's car and waited for her to come.

The ride to school was silent. We usually talked, but today I didn't feel like it, even though my nausea had gone away. I stared out the window at everything we passed. We passed a park full of children playing in it. It reminded me of the park Eli and I were at last night, though this was not the same one. When we arrived at school I walked through the front doors, a few feet away from Amy. I decided to avoid Sharon and Marissa until the basketball game.

I stopped at my locker and opened it, putting away my things and taking out what I needed. A hand grabbed my shoulder, causing me to jump. I turned around and saw it was Amy. She was holding up some money.

"You'll need this to pay for the game." she told me put it in my hand. She turned around and walked off into the hallway way the seniors hang out.

I walked up to the table full of cheerleaders selling tickets. One with red curly hair tied up and blue eyes held out her hand. I handed her the money and she gave me a ticket with out checking how much I paid. I shrugged it off and walked into the gym, searching for Sharon and Marissa. The gym was huge, but it smelled of sweat. I wrinkled my nose at the disgusting smell and continued my search for my friends.

I finally found them at the end of the bleachers. They were waving their arms at me and shouting my name. I ran up to them and sat down in between them. I looked down at the basketball players. I wasn't very familiar with the sport, mainly because I don't remember any of it! My heart skipped a beat when I recognized one of the players. It was Danny. A hand waved in front of me, taking me out of my thoughts. I blinked a few times and looked at Sharon and Marissa.

"You okay?" Sharon asked. I nodded my head. A guy in a black and white striped shirt blew a whistle, indicating the start of the game. I watched Danny mostly. He looked like a tiger, ferocious yet graceful. He was fast and he weaved through people while I watched with amazement.

"He's really good." I said, looking at Sharon and Marissa, then back at Danny. I suddenly found myself thinking about the night when he said he couldn't love me, when he broke my heart. Then, Eli was right there, repairing the damage done, sewing up the pieces of my broken heart.

Everyone jumped up and cheered when Danny got the winning shot with three seconds left in the game. I wasn't that interested in the game, but who played it; mainly Danny. I stayed sitting on the bleachers, even after everyone left. All the players had come out of the locker rooms except Danny. I found myself walking towards the locker room he was in. I hoped I wouldn't walk in on him while he was in the middle of changing. I turned around the corner of the entrance which led into the locker room.

It smelled even worse than the gym! I pinched my nose and walked deeper into the stench. I jumped when I saw Danny. He must have noticed because he immediatly turned his head towards me. He shook his head and swore. He only had shorts on, leaving him topless. I could see scars that were a result of the car accident. They looked like mine, and then I noticed some that didn't. They weren't even the light pink that they should have been. They were a straight line too.

I suddenly felt sick, knowing what he was doing. A little while ago, I remember seeing a few people with scars like these and asking Amy why. She said they cut themselves. I couldn't bare the fact that his scars were because of me. There was no doubt that they were. I was scared, for him and myself. I gulped and tried to steady my breathing.

"Danny. I know I've asked you for answers before and you've refused to say anything, but please! I deserve to know and I'll eventually remember! Don't be afraid of Rosie, please. Just t-" I said, but he interrupted me.

"It's not Rosie. It's keeping you safe and away from me. I almost killed you and your unborn child, a child that was not mine." he said. My eyes widened. It really was Eli's. I knew I didn't do it with anyone else, I couldn't of.

"You never loved me like you did him. After we broke up-"

"We broke up?" I asked with confusion.

"Yes. We wanted to stay friends though. You kept telling me about him. Eli, right?" I nodded. "It seemed like we could never be that way. I wanted to get my mind off of things, so I went to my friend's house. You wanted to come along too. I told you we were watching movies, but we weren't. When we got there, like I said, I wanted to get my mind off of things, so I grabbed a beer. I didn't drink much. My driving wasn't as good as it should have been." he told me grimly.

"Is this why you have been cutting yourself?" I asked him. His eyes were watery now.

"I can't forgive myself. I've been guilty, depressed, angry. You don't get it! I almost killed you!" he shouted in my face. He turned around. I gasped at what I saw. There was a huge, light pink scar on his back. I placed my palm on it, spreading my fingers out. It was rough against his smooth, sweaty skin. He quickly turned around and scowled at me. I turned around walked as fast as I could out of the locker room. I felt dizzy, but at least I wasn't nauseous, yet.

I woke up from a dreamless sleep feeling nauseous once again. I hurried myself into the bathroom and knelt down by the toilet to carry on with my sickness.

"Sick again?" I heard Amy ask. I nodded my head.

"At least your going to the doctor's today. They have to give you a checkup to see if how you're doing after the accident." she told me. I nodded and she shuffled off in the direction of the stairs. When I was finished I brushed my teeth once again and went into my room. I plopped down on my bed. My head hurt so badly and my nausea was slowly passing, too slowly. I felt dizzy and like eating huge amounts of food. I suddenly felt a crave for beef jerky, though I don't remember what it is or what it tasted like, I just knew that I wanted it. I walked out of my room and went downstairs. I started searching through the kitchen cupboards for something that 'looked' like beef jerky. I gave up when I couldn't find it.

I heard footsteps walk into the kitchen.

"Lindsey, get dressed dear." I heard Rosie tell me. I turned around and headed for the stairs without looking at her. I trudged my way to my room and opened my closet. I didn't care what I wore, it was just the doctor's office. I put on some clothes and headed back downstairs. I didn't see Rosie anywhere, so I guessed that she was waiting in the car. I walked out of the front door and over to the passenger's side of the car. I got in and buckled my seat belt. Rosie turned on the car and backed out of the driveway.

"The doctor said he thinks he found something after checking the x-rays. He wasn't sure what it was when we were on the phone the other night but he thinks he might know today." she told me. I nodded, even though I knew she probably didn't see it. I stared out the window and prepared myself for the silent ride that would soon follow. I laid my head against the door and closed my eyes, resting. I drifted to sleep soon to the faint sound of the engine and other cars passing by us.

I found myself being awoken by Rosie. She gently shook my shoulder, waking me out of my sleep. I sighed and sleepily got out of the car. I walked over to the door and sat down on a bench close by. Rosie walked up to me a few seconds later and we went in. The room was small, and it wasn't the hospital I remembered.

"Why are we here? Shouldn't we be at the hospital?" I asked Rosie.

"This is where your doctor said for us to come. He only came to the hospital because of the accident and the fact that you were stuck there." she told me. I sat down on a black padded leather chair and looked around. There was a desk where the receptionist sat to the right. On the wall across from us was a plain white sign hung up with the words 'Waiting Room' on it.

Someone opened a dark green door. It was the same doctor from the day I woke up after the accident. The old man. When he called my name my mother and I stood up. We followed him down a hallway with light yellow walls and into a room that was even smaller than the waiting room. He told me to sit down on this chair that looked strange. It was long and it had a long strip of paper on it. I sat down on it while Rosie sat down in a regular chair to the side. The old man closed the door and picked up a folder on a counter near him.

"Do you remember that day when you woke up and we took x-rays of you?" he asked. I nodded.

"Well I think I found something very interesting." he said. He something out of the folder and placed it against a white, lit up back round in the wall. I realized that they were my x-rays.

"Do you see this?" he asked me, pointing to a little small bump. I nodded. He looked at Rosie.

"Did you tell her yet?" he asked her.

"She found out." she told him. He nodded and looked back at me.

"Do you know that I told your mom that you lost you baby in the accident?" he asked me. I nodded my head. I felt very shy for some reason and I didn't want to speak.

"Well, that was really more of a guess. There was a ten percent chance that you could have not lost it." He glanced at Rosie and then back at me. He continued, "While looking at the x-rays, I saw this bump and was very curious, and I'm pretty sure I know what it is. Congratulations Lindsey Richardson, your still pregnant." he told me. My eyes widened and I froze in my seat. My hands grip it's edges and I couldn't breathe. I was surprised when I didn't hear Rosie yelling.

"But there is bad news." he said firmly. I looked at him curiously.

"Because we didn't know that the baby wasn't lost, we took x-rays, which is a very bad thing for someone who is pregnant." he told me.

"Why?" I asked.

"The harmful radiation can cause the baby to have cancer or be very prone to it." I couldn't handle it anymore! I tried to tell myself to stay calm but I couldn't. How was I supposed to have a baby when it was prone to cancer, Eli is four and a half hours away, and I don't even remember most of my life! They stared at me like I was crazy.

"Did I say that out loud?" I asked quietly. They nodded. Rosie cleared her throat.

"What do you mean by Eli is four and half hours away? What does that have to do with anything?" she asked. Ugh! Couldn't I learn to keep my mouth shut? I asked myself.

"I'll tell you later." I told her, but she just glared at me.

I wasn't very fond of the drive home, and I knew at some point she would ask. In fact, she asked as soon as we got in the car.

"Tell me." she commanded. I cleared my throat, knowing that this would be very hard.

"Mom, Danny is not the dad, nor will he ever be. It's not him." I told her.

"Then who is it?" she asked, probably already knowing the answer. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted to deny who the real father was and that she couldn't grasp the truth.

"Eli." I muttered. I looked at her face to take in her reaction. There were now a rain shower of tears flowing out of her eyes and down her cheeks, falling onto her lap. She inhaled a shaky breath and wearily let it out. She pulled the car over. I knew she couldn't believe this was happening, it was easy to read on her face.

Somehow I started remembering things about her. I remembered that she was very protective of me, but she gave me the space and freedom I needed to grow up. She was very caring and she would calm me down when I was little by humming me to sleep. She'd rock me in her arms and hum a lullaby, softly shushing me and telling me to sleep. I found myself crying as well. These memories reminded me that she was being a mom who did not want to lose her child, her youngest child.

I remember having a conversation with her the night before the wreck.

_"I don't know what you saw in that Danny boy." she told me and sighed. It was a week since Danny and I had broken up, though we had agreed to maintain our friendship._

_"Mom, please don't. He's a nice guy." I told her._

_"You just think he's cute!" she blurted out. She quickly covered her mouth with her hands, but I could tell she was giggling underneath. It made me giggle too. _

_"So what if I do? Is that a crime?" I asked her jokingly. She held out her arms towards me and embraced me in a motherly hug._

_"You're growing up so fast. My little girl!" she sighed. I blushed._

_"Mom! I'm still me! It's not like I'm ever going to change. I would never do that to you!" I exclaimed to her._

_"Let's hope not." she said._

I shook my head to shake away the memory. I looked down on my lap and saw the tears that had soaked into my jeans. I looked at my mom's lap. Her pants were even more soaked. I moved her light, golden brown wavy hair behind her ears and searched through the car for some tissues. When I finally found some I wiped away her tears and held her hand. I tried to comfort her in the best way possible, knowing that all of this has been a strenuous day for her.

I realized that she kept these things from me because they changed me before the accident, and she didn't want me to change. She wanted me to stay the way I was before the accident, before Danny, before any of that. But it was too late. I knew everything now and I've changed more than ever!

"Mom. I have to tell Eli! He has to know!" I eagerly told her.

"Fine. We'll go down this weekend sweetheart." she said while patting my hand. I smiled at her and she smiled a warm, generous smile back.

I sighed with relief when we were finally back home. Amy was still at school and Ros- I mean Mom, told me I didn't have to go back today. I laid myself down on the couch, feeling a little woozy.

"Are you okay?" I heard mom ask. I nodded my head and rested my arm over my eyes which were now closed. My other hand was over my stomach. I wasn't sure where things were going to go from now on, but I knew it would only get even more difficult. I was scared, no, terrified! I hoped that being with Eli would help me, if he chose to stick with me.

For the rest of the week I didn't tell anyone a clue of what happened at the Doctor's Office. They didn't need to know. It would be useless information for their brain's to carry and then to later forget. I was now in the car with Mom. We were driving up to Eli's house.

Amy would not be coming along with us. She didn't know a single thing about the baby. Mom and I never told her, but we planned to soon. As each hour flew by I sank even deeper into my seat and my stomach felt heavier. I was lucky to not be nauseous this morning, though the days before it was unfortunate. I felt dizzy, nauseous, and cranky.

When we were only a few minutes away, I felt tears crawl to the edges of my eyes and linger near my lashes. When one rolled down, it was like a domino effect. All the other tears rushed out of my eyes, rolling quickly down my cheeks leaving my vision blurry.

"Oh honey, don't cry." Mom said. She handed me a tissue and I took it. I wiped away my tears, but they kept coming. They were like a waterfall, never ceasing their fall. She parked in the driveway and I felt the tears come one harder. I tried to stop it, but I couldn't. Mom sat there, rubbing my back and handing me tissues to comfort me like I had done to her a few nights ago.

When I was finished, we got out of the car and walked up to the door. Mom kept her arm around me to keep me calm and to show that she supported me. She rang the doorbell, and soon after, someone answered the door. I was relieved to see that it was not Eli, though I knew I'd have to face him sooner or later. Instead, it was a woman.

She had the same ocean blue eyes as him, but she had golden blonde hair. Her curly locks were resting upon her shoulders and her delicate hand held the door open. She smiled at us and held out her arms towards my mother. They hugged and then she looked at me. She shook my hand and then led us inside. The house was very interesting. The walls were painted a dark red color.

Paintings and pictures were hung up. When you walked inside you could see a magnificent grand staircase. To the right there was a kitchen, though I couldn't see into that room much. On the left was the living room. The walls were the same dark red. The furniture looked expensive. It was a neutral tan color. There was a door open that led into an enormous library. The house looked so organized and beautiful. The woman turned to look at me when we were at the landing of the staircase.

"Hi, I'm Sarabeth, but you can just call me Sara. Eli is upstairs in the room all the way to the left. If you need anything, your mother and I will be talking in the living room." she told me while smiling. I tried to fake a smile, but I wasn't sure if I was succeeding. I walked up the steps and made it to the top. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest. With each step I took I was thankful that the floorboards did not creak beneath me.

I placed my hand against the door, wondering what will happen next. The door quickly opened, causing me to fall. They held me in their warm, safe arms and I felt a tingle of happiness go through me, and then I realized who this person was. I gapsed and stood upright.

"Lindsey? You're here!" he said happily. I nodded. I couldn't hold back my tears. They escaped out of the corners of my eyes and rolled hurridley down my cheeks. Eli held me in his arms.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a soft, gentle, caring voice. He led me over to his bed and we sat down. I cried on his shoulder while he shushed me.

"Eli...I'm...I'm sorry." I told him through my terrible sobs. I wasn't sure why I was sorry though, maybe for brining this down on him.

"For what?" he asked.

"I...I'm pregnant." I said. He pulled away from the hug and looked at me curiously.

"But didn't you lose the baby? Unless..." he trailed off.

"I didn't lose the baby. They made a mistake." I told him.

"But how..." he asked himself.

"I'm so sorry I brought this upon you."

"Don't blame yourself and don't be sorry. I just need some time to think."

"I'll leave if you wa-"

"No, please stay." he pleaded.

"Okay." I agreed. He laid down on his bed and I laid down next to him. I looked up at his face and saw a tear run down his smooth cheek. When he saw that I was looking he smiled and he me close.

We stayed for dinner that night. Everyone in that house knew everything, which made me feel a whole lot better. Eli was by my side all the time. I felt washed over with relief, knowing that he was close. He was with me, and that was all I ever wanted. After we all shared our bit of tears, we began to get comfortable. We laughed like there was no tomorrow and we had so much fun. Sarabeth was a great storyteller. She said everything with such enthusiasm and suspense it gave me goosebumps.

We planned to stay over that night. Mom slept in the guestroom and I slept in Eli's room while he slept on the couch. I offered to sleep on it instead but he said that he'd rather me sleep in his bed. After we kissed goodnight I went upstairs feeling so tired. I sprawled out across his bed and instantly fell asleep.

_I was floating into a deep darkness. An open emptiness surrounded me with simplicity. It was so vacant and dark, though I felt no need to run. I knew that I would be safe, that nothing would hurt me. Not now at least. It was silent._

_I saw a light come towards me. It was bright and familiar. It got closer and closer. Danny was standing in the middle of it and in the blink of an eye, he was on the ground. He wasn't moving. The light grew darker until I couldn't see Danny anymore. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew it was bad._

I woke up screaming and found Eli's arms around me.

"Wha-what's going on?" I asked while panting.

"You were screaming in your sleep so I thought I would comfort you." he told I calmed down I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. I was ecstatic that he was here, but too tired to show it.

"You're probably wondering what I was dreaming." I whispered to him.

"You don't need to tell me. It's fine. I'm just glad that you're alright." he said. I looked up at him and saw him smiling down on me. I couldn't help but smile back. It was hard for me to fall asleep, I didn't want to, but I was tired too. I quietly crept out of bed, not wanting to wake Eli, and went downstairs. I walked into the kitchen, not sure of what I was looking for. I didn't want to be a pig and eat out their cupboards clean, but I was starving! I looked through them and then I was thrilled when I finally found it. Beef Jerky! I grabbed the bag and opened it quickly. I pulled out a piece and munched on it happily. Then a light came on and I froze in my place.

I turned my head and saw Eli standing there about to burst out laughing. I shyly waved and felt myself blushing. He came over to me and we sat down at the dining room table. He watched as I snacked on my beef jerky, which made me feel a little self-conscious. When I finished off the last piece he took the bag from me and threw it away.

"I think we'll need more." he said. I smiled and nodded. He took my hand and we went back upstairs, where I finally fell asleep in his arms.

The next morning was dreadful. I was nauseous, dizzy, confused, angry, sad and all of the above. Yet somehow, everyone dealt with it as if it was nothing. I felt like a three year-old throwing a temper tantrum. Eli sat next to me while I vomited in the toilet and held my hair back. I brushed my teeth afterwards, feeling frustrated. This 'routine' was becoming to much. I walked into the living room and laid down on the couch.

Eli came up to me and sat down too.

"Eli, I'm really glad you're here." I told him. He patted my leg and then put his arm around me. He kissed my cheek and held me close. I curled up into his chest and closed my eyes.

"I'm scared." I blurted out.

"I'd be surprised if you weren't. I mean, being pregna-"

"No. Not that. I'm scared for Danny." I interrupted. I was scared that something would happen to him. Something bad, even if my 'dream' was just a dream. It looked like I was looking into his soul though, but I was dreaming. I never really questioned my gift. I accepted it though without hesitation. It had never seemed to sink in as much as it did now. I could see into people's souls. I could see what they were feeling deep inside.

I had a massive headache now. I put my hand up to my forehead and quickly pulled it away. My forehead was burning up! I took Eli's hand and put it there. He jolted it away.

"I'll be back." he muttered and got off the couch, leaving me alone. A few minutes later he came back with a bag of ice. He held it against my head while holding me in his arms. His lips were pressed up against the top of my head, humming a familiar tune.

It reminded me of that night I dreamed of. That one special night that wouldn't escape my mind. I suddenly felt very nauseous.

"Oh God." I muttered while struggling out of Eli's arms. I ran to the bathroom and over to the toilet. Eli came in right behind me holding my hair out of the way. Everything was blurry, and then I figured out that I was crying. After a few minutes, I crawled into the corner and curled up into a ball feeling utterly helpless. Eli handed me my toothbrush, but I just threw at the wall. I felt absolutely horrible and like no matter what I did I would always feel that way.

"I hate this. It's better that you're here with me, but I hate this." I told him.

"It'll be over. Don't worry." he said.

"In nine months!"

"Well, more like eight."

"Ugh! I hate not feeling well in the mornings and rummaging through your pantries for beef jerky and then discovering that it's not there!"

"It's all right, we'll buy more."

"It's not just that! I have mood swings like crazy and the strangest cravings ever and I want it to stop!" I said. I found myself in his arms crying on his shirt. He walked over to the bathroom cupboard and took out a new toothbrush. He threw away the plastic and held it out towards me.

"The least we can do is try." he said softly, grinning a sweet, sincere smile. I smiled back.

Being home, away from Eli, made me sad. I wanted him close by, but we were four and a half hours away from each other, which made everything harder. Here, his arms weren't there to hold me, to comfort me and to tell me that we could get through this. He couldn't make me laugh or talk to me. Now I missed him more than ever.

I knew I had to stay here though, go to school and get an education. I knew I should socialize with my friends and be here with Amy, but did I really want to? I knew the answer to that. No. A simple answer for many questions, but an answer that didn't seem to matter much for me, because I knew I'd have to stay here anyway.

I knew that these months would be a complete, undeniable hell. I laid down on my soft, comfy bed and put my pillow over my head. I felt tired from the ride home, even though I had slept most of the way. I heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I asked, though the words were muffled by my pillow.

"Amy." she said. I put the pillow under my head and looked at her.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey. So, how was your trip?" she asked.

"Um, very different and interesting." I told her, trying to put as much honesty in it as possible without giving away too much. She looked at my stomach and I froze. She touched it lightly and I froze even more.

"Is that a bump?" she asked. I looked at my stomach. There was a small little bump and I gulped.

"I-I ate, um, a lot there. She makes great food." I told her, though my lie was conspicuous.

"Liar alert! Liar alert!" she yelled and laughed. She looked at me, but with a hurt expression.

"I thought you weren't going to keep secrets from me." she said. It seemed that while the bond between Rosie and I was growing, the bond between Amy and I was shrinking.

"I'm not, but this...this is something you have to ask Rosie." I told her. She nodded and stared at me, then my stomach. Her eyes widened and then narrowed. She got off of my bed and walked out of the room. I felt sweat form across my forehead and my hands were starting to shake. I felt my face go pale and my stomach was twisting into knots.

I didn't feel nauseous, but dizzy. I got more comfortable on my bed and tried to fall asleep to escape the painful sickness. When I finally did, I was relieved.

"Oh, Lindsey. You don't look so well." Marissa told me at school the next day. We were in the hallway, walking to homeroom.

"I've just been under the weather these past few days." I told her. She stared at me and then looked away. As we walked into homeroom, I tried to inch away from Sharon and Marissa as they talked. I sat down next to Danny and kept my mouth shut. I just wanted him to know that I was here, and that I still thought about him. I didn't want to completely shut him out of my life. We did our daily routine for homeroom, and then there were a few minutes after class to talk.

I looked over at Danny, who was looking out a window. He was wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt, but the sleeves were pulled up a little, just enough to see a few of his nasty scars. I lightly touched them, brushing my fingers softly back and fourth against his skin. I looked at his reflection in the window. His eyes were closed and he was muttering words to himself. I took my hand away, still staring at his scars.

When the bell rang, I got up from my seat. Someone grasped my hand in theirs and squeezed it tightly. I looked back and saw Danny, his eyes watery and his sleeves pulled down.

"You won't give up, will you?" he asked.

"I don't want these things to happen to you. I don't want it to be my fault, or your own. I want to be your friend and start over." I told him. He stared at me for a few long seconds.

"Those we the exact words you said when we broke up." he said. My eyes widened.

"I'm sorry." I said softly.

"I guess you're starting to remember things." he told me. I turned around and left the room. The hallways seemed more narrow, the air seemed thicker, and my vision seemed cloudy. Maybe I was secretly remembering things, without knowing it. My feet dragged behind me as I walked. Someone came up behind me and grabbed my shoulder, turning me around to look at them.

"Look, I want things to go back to how they were before as much as you do, but they won't and that's just a fact we're going to have to face." he said coldly, his eyes burning into mine. I tried to show no fear in mine and be stronger, though I felt weak inside.

"Can't we try? Can't you stop being depressed and get over it! I'm fine okay! Look at me! I'm getting better everyday!" I said, though the last part was a lie. I was getting better, because everyday I was nauseous and grouchy. He studied me for a moment. It looked like he was searching for something different, that wasn't there before. When his eyes caught my stomach they froze. They froze into a deep, cutting stare. They narrowed and then widened. Once again, they reminded me of ice. Hard and cold, yet still beautiful in all its ways. He grabbed my hand and started taking me somewhere, though I wasn't sure exactly where.

He stopped in the middle of an empty hallway. He looked at my stomach some more, and then reached a hand out towards it. He gently touched it and then moved his hand back and fourth on it, feeling the small bump. His hand touching my stomach sent a shiver up my spine and goosebumps across my arms. He moved his hand towards a small curve in my waist that wasn't there before. I heard him gulp and let out a deep sigh.

"Please don't tell me..." he trailed off. I nodded and he swore. I put my hand on his chest to stop him from anything else he might say or do.

"Don't get mad, please. Just, please help me. That's the best you can do. Be my friend, it's all I'm asking of you." I pleaded. He looked at me and then at my stomach, his hands now at his sides.

"I guess I can try." he told me. I grinned a huge smile at him, but he only gave me a half smile back. I quickly walked of to first period, not wanting to be late.

At lunchtime, I was surprised when Danny chose to sat next to me. I wasn't sure if he would keep his word or not. I sat there, eating a lunch that Mom packed for me. He smiled at me as I took a bite of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It tasted so good. The peanut butter was sticky in my mouth but sweet. The jelly complimented the peanut butter well. I was sad when I discovered that I had finished it, though I was happy when I knew what I would be eating next. Beef jerky.

I jerked the bag out of the brown paper bag and hastily opened it. I plucked a piece from the bag and shoved it into my mouth with pleasure. I sighed while eating it, the delicious flavor crawling across my taste buds. I washed it down with my drink and then started to eat more.

"Is 'he' the father?" Danny asked. I was well aware of who 'he' was.

"He has a name you know, and yes, he is." I told him. I looked him and could tell that a was resisting rolling his eyes, but instead he just grimaced. I looked over at where Sharon and Marissa were sitting. They were at a table far off to the other side of the cafeteria. They were looking at us, no, they were looking at me. Even though they saw me looking right at them, they continued to stare.

Danny placed his hand on my shoulder and cleared his throat. I turned my head to face him.

"Don't worry about them." he told me.

"Why were they staring?" I asked.

"I'll tell you later." he said. He got up and went to dump the food off of his tray.

After the bell rang for school to end, I waited for Danny to come by his locker. When he saw me standing there, it looked like he had an instinct to turn around and avoid me, but he calmed down and restrained himself.

"Hey." he said to me.

"Hey. So, do you want to go to the movies later? As friends of course. Sharon and Mari-" but I stopped before I could go any farther, thinking that after that moment at lunch it wasn't the best thing right now.

"I don't think they'd want to come along." he said. "Besides, I doubt Rosie would want me to."

"She's better now. It's okay. She won't be mad." I told him.

"Then why was she so mad at me?" he asked quietly.

"Maybe because she thought you had changed me, and it made her even angrier when she thought you got me pregnant." I whispered.

"I'll think about it." he said and opened his locker. He quickly put his stuff away and got a few things out. He shut the locker and started walking away. I didn't catch up to him, figuring it was useless. I guess some things may never change, I thought to myself. When I walked outside, the sun was shining in my eyes. I shut them closed right away and then slowly opened them, stopping at a squint. I looked around for Amy, knowing that she would already be out here by now. I started walking towards her, and then I felt someone walk right up beside me.

I looked at them and discovered that it was Danny.

"Thank you." I told him.

"No problem." he said, though I could tell that he was worried. When we walked up to Amy's car, I saw her smile turn into a frown.

"Lindsey-" she said.

"Wait," I interrupted, "It's okay, Mom will be fine with it, trust me." She nodded her head and we got into her car. Danny and I sat in the back seat together. Amy never looked back once. She was probably worrying about Mom, even though I told her not to. Danny and I were quiet, even though I had a bunch of things in my head that I wanted to talk about, it was uncomfortable with Amy in the front seat. When we arrived home, we got out of the car and I could tell that Amy was preparing herself for Mom's reaction when she saw Danny.

We walked inside, Amy to my right and Danny to my left. I was clinging onto his arm. I guess that I was a little nervous too. When we walked into the kitchen, Mom was cutting onions in little slices. I couldn't see it, but I could smell it. When she heard Amy clear her throw the cutting stopped. She turned around and I saw that her eye were watery. She still had her hand gripped around the knife, which made me a little uneasy.

"Hello Danny." she said with a smile.

"Hello Mrs. Livingston." he said to her shyly.

"Um, Mom. Is it alright if I go to the movies with Danny?" I asked her. Her eyes narrowed for a split second and then returned back to normal.

"Sure honey. Let me get some money. Amy can drive you there." she said firmly.

"What? But mom-" Amy started.

"Do you want to eat tonight? I'm trying to make dinner here!" she exclaimed.

"Fine." she answered, pouting a bit. We waited for a few minutes while Mom searched the house for some money. She came back with two twenty-dollar bills.

"Give me back the exact change please." she told me quietly. I nodded and headed towards Amy's car. I slid into the back seat with Danny and rest my head back against the head rest. I remembered the dream I had at Eli's house, the one with Danny in it. I felt like I had to help him, keep him safe. And if I couldn't, I could at least try.

"What movie do you want to see?" I asked him.

"I'm not sure. We can ask Amy." he said. By 'we' he probably meant me. I sighed and stared out the window. I pressed the palm of my hand to the window. It felt so cold against my skin. I started to feel warmer then usual. I kept getting warmer until I felt hot. It was on the inside. I felt sick but I didn't want anyone worrying, so I silently suffered through it.

I felt sweat form across my forehead. I kept my head turned to my right towards the window, even when Amy got in. She started up the car and backed out of the driveway slowly. I felt myself become even more nauseous. I decided to sleep, hoping that the feeling would leave.

_I stood there with her in my arms. Her pale cheeks will never be as rosy as they were. They were white now, no trace of blushing in them whatsoever. Her eyelids covered her eyes that she could once see through, the beautiful ocean blue eyes that resembled her father's. Her lips that were once a soft, light pink color were now as pale and white as her face. I held her cold, tiny body close to my chest in my arms._

_I was crying an endless river of tears. I had looked into her soul once before, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. I set her down on a white table and started to walk away, though i found it quite hard._

"No. No!" I yelled. I was gasping for air while trying to find Danny's hand for support. His hand grabbed mine while he placed his other hand on my cheek to calm me down. My heart was racing miles a minute, beating so fast in my chest. It was a dream, just a dream, I told myself, but it seemed like it was more than that. That child wasn't just a child, she was my child.

I was the mother and Eli was the father. She was cold and dead in my arms. Her pale face lifeless and her tiny body frozen. She looked like she was only two or three, which saddened me. I wondered how I could just leave her like that, dead on a white table.

We were now in the parking lot of the movie theater. Amy turned back to look at me.

"You okay baby sis?" she asked. I nodded my head and wiped away my tears.

"Make sure you have your money. Call me as soon as the movie is over. And Danny?" He looked up at her. "Take care of her and make sure she's fine." she told him. He nodded and opened the car door, sliding right out of it and closing it behind him. I opened it on my side and closed it once I got out.

I walked up to the Danny who was standing by the front doors. He held one door open for me.

"Thanks." I said as I walked through. He came up right beside me. I looked at the wall to my right. The only movie's tickets that weren't sold out were a few for little kids and a tragic romance. We asked for two tickets to see the tragic romance, which was called "Goodbye My Love". The title sounded cheesy but it was better than seeing a movie about little fairies that go on a magical adventure to a hidden kingdom with unicorns and ponies that prance around. We walked into the theater and sat down in a row in the back.

No one was really here, just two or three people in the front row and a couple in the middle. The lights were still up and previews were playing.

"I'll be back. Do you want a soda?" he asked me. I shook my head and he headed down the row of stairs we had just come up. I watched the previews, but eventually got bored. I looked at the couple in the middle row. The boy had chocolate brown hair and the girl had curly blonde hair that looked familiar. I looked closer and realized that it was Sharon! The group of people in the front were leaving, now the couple and myself only occupying it.

I was glad that I had sat down in the last row. She was about to turn her head around, so I ducked down. Five seconds later -I counted- I peeked back up. She was kissing him! The lights went down, making it harder for me to see. I heard footsteps walk up next to me and I looked to see who it was. Thankfully it was only Danny holding his soda.

"What are you-" he started but I quietly shushed him and pulled him to the ground. He sat his soda in a cup holder and then looked at me. I pointed to where Sharon was and mouthed her name to him. He looked at her and then back at me, nodding. She was on his lap now, her hands tangled in his hair. I was disgusted by the sight. I made a gagging sound loud enough for Danny to hear and he just chuckled. Luckily our voices were drowned out by the sound of the movie.

They stopped kissing and turned around to watch the movie. It was about a girl named Laura and a boy named Benjamin. Laura was one of those people who was mentally strong and was always curious. Her dark brown hair was curly and she had brown eyes that were also dark. Benjamin was mysterious and cool but also humorous. His black hair was as long as Eli's, but his eyes were a soft, gray color. Later on in the movie, Laura finds out that Benjamin is trying to protect her because he knows a treacherous secret about her that leaves them in a life and death situation.

Apparently Laura had a sister she never knew about that lived to steal from criminal's and kill them too, until one killed her. Now this one organized criminal group wants payback for what her sister did. Benjamin used to be apart of this group until he realized what he was doing was wrong. Now Benjamin was going to die for Laura while she was hiding away in a different country, at least, that's what he thought until he saw her running up to him. Someone was aiming a gun at her and shot her, but he jumped in the way and took the bullet.

I suddenly felt very nauseous. I moaned and headed for the stairs. In my haste to get down them I tripped over my own foot and slid backwards down the stairs. I looked up and saw Danny running towards me. I heard giggling coming from where Sharon and that boy were. Danny helped me up and I laid my back against the wall next to the stairs.

"Lindsey?" I heard someone ask. It was Sharon. My eyes widened and I grew even more nauseous. I ran out of the theater and to the woman's restroom as fast as I could. I ran through the door and to the stall closest to me. I carried on with my nausea there. I heard the restroom door open and hoped that this person would carry on to a different stall and mind their own person, but of course this person had to be Sharon and she had no intention of leaving me be.

"Lindsey, what was that all about?" she asked before she even got to my stall. I threw up into the toilet.

"Are you sick?" she asked. I heard her walk up to my stall. I was sure that my nausea was now over, so I stood up and flushed the toilet. I backed out of the stall and walked over to where the paper towels were. I wiped off my mouth and went over to the sink to rinse it out. When I was finished I looked in the mirror; first at myself and then at her. She was looking straight at me.

It made me feel uncomfortable so I looked away.

"So Lindsey, what's up?" she asked in an emotionless tone.

"Not much." I answered weakly. She sharply raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Keeping secrets are you? Well, let's make a deal. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours, but we can't tell each others secrets to anyone and if one of us does, the other blurts out that person's secret to the whole school. Deal?" she asked, holding out her hand for me to shake. I knew something felt wrong, and I really wanted to leave. I just stared at her hand.

"Lindsey!" she said loudly. I jumped at the loud, eager sound of her voice. I shook my head.

"Well lets just say I know a little something about Danny that you never knew." she told me. That got my attention.

"Just tell me your little secret and I'll tell you mine." she said. I nodded and looked around even though no one was there.

"Tell me yours first, I don't trust you." I told her.

"Your own friend? Well then, here it is. But don't tell anyone. Danny, is going through some hard times right now. I remember the day you broke up like it was yesterday. You both obviously still liked each other after that, but apparently things weren't working out so well. The thing is that he still likes you. He can never get over the crash or anything like that, so he cuts himself. Ever seen the scars?" she asked. I closed my eyes and nodded.

"Nasty, huh? Anyway, it's not just that. I've seen him on weekends and it's not pretty. He carries a knife in his back pocket! One time I was walking through the park early in the morning and I saw something behind a tree. I walked over to see what it was and he had the pointy end to his chest. He was going to do it...." she trailed off. My eyes widened and I felt my nausea come back.

"I've been in his room before too. He's kept all of your notes, e-mails, presents, etc. Whatever you've given him, he's got it."

"I don't believe it." I mumbled.

"Well you better!" she said.

"But how did you-"

"For the notes I just rummaged through his drawers. For the e-mails, it was harder. I hacked his password, which was your birthday. The presents you've given him were scattered around his room and-"

"But what were you doing in his room?" I asked. Her face froze and she stuttered a bit.

"I-I, um, I was invited, uh, over. His mom, is um, nice, uh, yeah." she said. I knew she was lying and that my question had caught her off guard.

"Liar." I muttered.

"Alright, fine. I decided to see how he was doing the night after the breakup. I knocked on the door and he answered. His mother was out grocery shopping. I asked him how he was and he said he was fine. He walked up the stairs to his bedroom so I followed him. When I got in there it was cluttered with drawings from you and of you and presents you had given him. When he left the room I finally had my chance, so I checked the drawers and his e-mails. I was sad that he could never like me as much as he did you. When he came back he had two sodas in his hands. He gave one to me and I started drinking it. And you know what caffeine does to- oh no, wait, you forgot.

"Well, caffeine makes me really hyper so I was telling him everything in such a rush that certain things slipped out. I asked him if maybe we could try and make things work between us and he said that we could. We sat there holding hands and talking and he wouldn't even kiss me! I knew then that I had to make the first move. I kissed him on his cheek and then on his lips but he stopped me. He told me to get out of his house and never come back." she said. I was secretly happy about this.

"So, what's your secret?" she asked. We were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Lindsey? Are you okay?" a voice asked. It was Danny.

"Uh, yeah. I'll be there in a sec." I told him.

"Okay." he said. I headed towards the door but Sharon's arm held me back.

"Tell me." she commanded. I tried to think of a lie very quickly.

"Oh, um, I have horrible nightmares so I sleep with a, um, little blanket." I told her quickly. She looked confused so I left before she could ask anymore questions. When I came out of the restroom I walked over to where Danny was. We walked to the doors of the theater with him in front of me. I looked at his back jean pockets for any sign of a knife in there, but there wasn't.

We stood there, waiting for Amy, as rain started pouring down.

"Maybe I could go to your house sometime." I told him quietly. I only really wanted to see if what Sharon said was true because for some reason I didn't believe her.

"Maybe." he said.

"Um, Danny? Did you ever try and get into a relationship with Sharon?" I asked.

"No, why?"

"Just wondering." I told him.

"I could never like her. She thinks too highly of herself."

"Have you ever tried to, um, commit suicide?" I asked curiously. He didn't answer.

"What kind of questions are these? Actually, I think I'll walk home now." he said.

"What?! But it's raining!" I exclaimed.

"So. Rain won't hurt anything. Besides I know my way home." He turned around and walked away, leaving me alone waiting for Amy.

Today was Saturday, April fourth to be exact. It has been 99 days since Christmas Day and after tonight it will be 100. I looked into the mirror and grimaced. The bump had gotten a little bit bigger, but not enough for someone to notice, just enough for me though. I got a little curvier around my waist as well. Ever since the night at the movies I had kept my phone turned off and since we had caller Id, I ignored any of my friends' calls. I ignored them at school too.

I didn't want to be around Sharon anymore. To me she was just a liar, yet somehow what she said had a hint of truth behind it. I heard the doorbell ring and footsteps running towards it. I heard the door open and a familiar voice ask if I was here. Excitement bubbled up and me and a grinned was forming on my face. I eagerly ran down the stairs and towards the front door.

"Eli!" I screamed, running towards his arms. He embraced me in a warm hug. His leather jacket wore the smell of leather, of course, and his own unique scent. One that was truly his own. I could only smell a small bit of cologne and deodorant, but something else was there, something he carried here from his home.

I stepped back and looked at him. His pretty black hair flew threw the gentle breeze coming through the door. His eyes held the same excitement I felt. Underneath his leather jacket was a white t-shirt and he wore dark blue skinny jeans. It was weird imagining him as a soon-to-be-father because he looked so much like a teenager, yet somehow more mature. Mom and Amy walked up to the front door with smiles on their faces.

"Lindsey, honey. I'm taking Amy to her first job interview. It'll take a few hours but we'll be back as soon as possible. I trust you to not get into trouble." Mom told both of us. She walked out of the door and Amy followed, shutting it behind her. I looked back at Eli. I took his hand in mine and gently squeezed it.

"You came." I said.

"Of course I would. I don't like being away from you." he told me. I liked that he told the truth, after all, honesty is beautiful. I grinned at him and led him into the living room. I hadn't been in this room that much. I've mostly been upstairs and if I was down here then I'd be in the dining room or the kitchen. The walls were a plain white. The couch and chair were a dark red and were very comfy to sit upon. We sat down on the couch, still holding hands.

"How was your week?" he asked me.

"It was different. I didn't like it though." I said.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I told him.

"Okay." I looked into his eyes. They were so serene and gorgeous. My free hand found his other hand, our fingers intertwined together. I leaned closer to him, until our lips met. This kiss felt like no other. It started out with a sweetness that soon bubbled up into a passion. A warmth was spread through it that started out as a simple spark. It grew hotter and larger into a flame. As his fingertips brushed ever so gently across my skin, the spark followed and the flame grew.

It was an irresistible kiss that was absolutely breathtaking. The flame grew hotter until it was a blazing fire. It started to cool down as he pulled away. It was only up until now that I noticed his head was against the arm rest and he was practically lying down, except for one leg that was off the couch, and I was on top of him. I laid my head down on his chest and unexpectedly started giggling.

I tried to stop it by covering my mouth with my hand but that only made me giggle harder.

"What's so funny?" he asked softly.

"I don't know." I said. It was silent now, except for our breathing. I listened to his heart beating. I almost fell asleep until I thought of something to ask him.

"Where is your mom?" I asked.

"A hotel. She's checking in. She didn't want to bother you guys." he told me. His arms were now around my waist and mine were around his neck. There was a knock at the door. I sighed and got up off of him. I walked to the door, sad that our time together was interrupted. I opened the door and felt my stomach drop once I saw who was standing there. Sharon.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" she asked in an annoyed voice. She walked into the house like I wasn't even there. I hoped that she wouldn't go into the living room and Eli would stay where he was, but of course that didn't happen. He walked out of the living room with a confused expression on his face. Sharon didn't see him yet, so when she wasn't looking, I signaled for him to go away. He only looked even more confused and he just stood there.

Sharon turned around and when she saw him she gasped.

"Who are you?" she asked rudely. I walked up right beside Eli.

"Don't answer, let me." I whispered low enough so only he could hear.

"This is a relative. His name is Steve." I lied. I didn't want her getting into my personal life or figuring anything out.

"Liar. I know you're lying, just like the other day at the movie theater. That secret was a total lie." she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Secret?" Eli said.

"It's nothing important. So, who are you?" Sharon asked again. I squeezed his hand, reminding him to let me talk.

"None of your business." I told her.

"I didn't ask you." she said coldly. I could tell that Eli want to jump in and tell her off but I restrained him by gently squeezing his hand.

"He's a family friend, okay?" I said. She rolled her eyes. Her eyes averted straight to my stomach and I instantly knew she was suspicious.

"Just a family friend, or more?" she said. I wasn't sure what to say. Would Eli be offended if I said he wasn't more than a family friend?

"That's none of your concern." I heard him say. Sharon smiled greedily and walked towards the front door, but before she could reach it, she stopped.

''Thanks for telling me the secret." she said and winked. She walked out of the door, not bothering to close it behind her.

"What was that about?" Eli asked. I shook my head and went to sit down on the couch. He sat down and put an arm around me. I put my arms around him and snuggled into his chest. He held me close and hummed that familiar tune he always did.

"Eli?" I murmured. He stopped humming to answer.

"Yes?" he said.

"What are you humming?" I quietly asked.

"A song." he told me.

"I know that. But what is it called?" I asked.

"A while ago, when I came to visit, you were working on a song and needed help. You loved the lyrics and the tune, you said it calmed you down. So whenever you got upset, I'd hold you in my arms and hum it. I guess you could say it's stupid, but it works." he whispered in my ear. I smiled at this and sighed.

"It's not stupid, it's nice." I said. I snuggled up more into his chest and he held me tighter. He started humming again and I hummed along. After I while I drifted off into my thoughts, thinking about him. There wasn't much to think about, since I didn't remember much about him. Then it hit me, I didn't remember a lot about him, meaning that I practically didn't know him.

"I practically don't know you." I whispered with my eyes wide.

"What?"

"Think about it. I've forgotten almost everything about you. I only know what I've seen after the accident." I said, putting emphasis on 'after'.

"Well then, you have some catching up to do." he chuckled.

"What do you want to know?" he asked. I thought very hard about this. I didn't want to ask him just a simple question, though maybe it would be better to start off that way.

"What's your full name?" I asked him, deciding that it was best I knew his last name.

"Eli Caden Micheals. It's not that great." he said.

"It's nice. Hm." I said, thinking of another question.

"You're seventeen, right?" I asked, making sure that he was at least around my age.

"Of course." he said.

"Do you play any sports?" I asked.

"I snowboard sometimes. That's it though." he told me.

While I sat there in his arms, asking him questions, time seemed to fly by quickly. Even though it was a few hours, it only seemed like minutes later when Amy and Mom came home, Eli's mom with them. She greeted me with a big grin and a motherly hug.

"How are you, sweetheart?" she asked.

"I'm fine, and you?" I asked politely.

"I'm great." she said. We all, except Mom, went into the living room. Eli sat down on the dark red chair and I sat on his lap with his arms around me. Their lovely warmth made me smile. Amy sat down next to Sarabeth on the couch. They started their own conversation. I leaned back into Eli's chest and laid my head back to rest on his shoulder.

He turned his head towards me and kissed my cheek. I kissed his lips gently and kept my forehead pressed to his. I quietly giggled and he chuckled in response. It felt weird to be doing this in front of people, so I sat up and took his hand in mine. I led him over to the stairs and we walked up them to my bedroom. We sat down on my bed and stared at each other in silence. His fingers moved over to touched my stomach.

He leaned down to it.

"I love you." he whispered. He moved his head up to face mine and lightly pressed his lips against my lips.

"I love you too." he whispered.

Thirty minutes later we were called down for dinner. I sat next to Eli at the dining room table, of course, and on the other side of me sat Amy. On the opposite side of the table, Sarabeth and Mom sat next to each other.

"Does Amy know?" Sarabeth asked Mom. Mom nodded her head. I was guessing it was about me.

"When's the next appointment?" Sarabeth asked.

"Next week. They're going to decide the gender, and then a few weeks after that they're going to decide the due date." Mom told her. I shivered at her words. I think Eli felt my shiver because he squeezed my hand comfortingly.

"I'm very sorry about the possible complications." Sarabeth told me.

"What complications?" Eli asked. I guess through everything that's happened I forgot to tell him about the complications the x-ray's radiation could cause.

"Since the hospital thought that I had lost the baby, they went ahead and did x-rays, which is how they found out I was pregnant. The radiation off the x-rays could cause problems." I said.

"And you decided to tell me this when?" he asked furiously.

"Well, I-"

"Did you think I wouldn't care? That this was just a pointless little detail?" he asked rhetorically.

"Eli, I'm sorry." I apologized.

"Look, just forget it. I need to go." he said. He stood up out of his seat and left the dining room. I heard the front door open and then slam closed. I sat there, trying to hold back the tears that were eager to escape. I slammed down the fork in my hand and pushed my seat out from underneath of me. I ran towards the stairs, not caring what they thought of my little 'show'. I shut the door of my room and slammed myself down on my bed.

He was my greatest hope and now he was mad. The possibility of him leaving left me depressed. I realized now how deeply I cared about him. The way he smiled at me sent rays of happiness throughout my body. His ocean blue eyes made me calm. Everything about him made me ecstatic, except that he was mad at me. Had he had enough? Would he leave me? I asked myself. No! No! That can't happen! Please don't let it happen!

I found myself thinking about him more. His kisses made me giggle with joy and his touches left a lovely warmth lingering on my skin. His skin felt so smooth beneath my fingertips. His lips were so soft and warm and when he whispered in my ear, it sent shivers of pleasure down my spine. Maybe he needed time. He'll come back, I told myself. But what if he didn't? My head hurt from the confusion my questions caused.

If he left, he couldn't help me. He wouldn't be around and I'd be left missing him. I'd miss his touches, his voice, his presence. The more I thought about these things, the more I cried. My bed sheet was heavily soaked with my salty tears. I pulled the pillow under my head, my face now in it. I felt like screaming-my mouth even opened-but no sound came out, just tears.

I curled into a little ball of sorrow and cried out my tears.

"Lindsey? Lindsey it's Mom." I heard Mom say.

"Go away!" I screamed in distress.

"Oh dear." I heard her mutter. I heard her footsteps walk down the stairs. I continued on with my tears. Why was I crying? I asked myself. Was it because I just upset Eli, and he thinks I don't care about him enough to tell him anything, or because I was being emotional right now? I heard footsteps run up the stairs, and a few seconds later, I heard my door creak open. I curled into my ball a little tighter.

Soon, warm, familiar arms were around me. For a split second, I was relaxed, until I remembered who this was. I crawled toward where my tear-soaked pillow was. His hand grabbed my wrist while his arm wrapped around my waist. He pulled me into his arms once more, but I didn't fight it this time. He kissed my cheek lightly and sighed.

"I'm sorry I got mad. I just got a little upset that you didn't tell me." he said. A few more tears escaped.

"Don't cry. Please don't." he whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry." I was all I could manage to say.

"Why? You just didn't mention it. You're going through a lot and I can't expect you to tell me everything, but what you can when you're ready to." he told me. He was tracing shapes on my arm now.

"We're going to have a few fights but well have to get over it and forgive each other if we want this to work." he said. How could he be so understanding? How could he be so honest too? This only made me cry more. With the hand that was tracing shapes on my arm he wiped away the tears on my cheeks.

"Are you tired?" he asked. I nodded my head. He picked me up off the bed and sat me down on a chair in the corner.

"I'll get you some new sheets and a new pillow." he said. I just nodded my head and murmured a 'thanks'. A few minutes later he came back with a bundle of sheets and a pillow.

"I had to ask your mom for help, but I finally got them." he told me. He placed them on the nightstand and started taking off the tear-stained sheets. I watched in silence. I was so grateful he was here. He was honest, sweet, and understanding. I wasn't going to be one of those girls who say, "Oh, I don't deserve him. He's too good for me," but I also wasn't going to be one of those girls who say, "I'm too good for him. He's horrible compared to me." Eli was good for me, and I was good for him. That's just how the cookie crumbles. When I came back to reality he was finished with the bed. He walked over to me and picked me up with his warm, strong arms.

He laid my back against the bed and my head against the pillow. He sat down and looked at me. He started humming the familiar tune and I could feel my eyelids drooping. I let my eyes close, and even though I was just about sleeping, I could feel him lean down closer to me. I could smell his leather jacket and the smell he carried here from his home. He kissed my forehead, but before I could hear or feel anything else, I fell asleep.

_I hated her now. Sharon had a twisted, evil little mind. Every time I saw her around Danny she'd flirt with him. She'd flutter her eyelashes and make little giggles at everything he said. She'd try to stay close to him and talk to him whenever she could. But now, as she was standing there in front of me with the duct tape in her hand, she was at her lowest._

_"Danny doesn't deserve you, you worthless piece of-"_

_"Shut up!" I screamed at her. She smacked me hard with the back of her hand. _

_"No, you shut up. I deserve him and he deserves me." she said in a whiny voice._

_"No he doesn't! How could you?" I asked, trying to break free of the duct tape that bound my hands._

_"Look, I'm sorry, but you're too soft. He needs someone who's strong, like me."_

_"Like you?" I snorted. "Don't you mean petty?" She glared at me with hard eyes. She ripped off a piece of duct tape and put it over my mouth so I couldn't speak. Inside I was frozen with fear, but I tried to let it not show. She slapped me with the back of her hand again. No matter how loud I tried to scream, the sound was muffled by the duct tape._

_She slapped me again and again until I was sure my cheeks were red. I felt tears streaming down my face and I was shaking violently._

_"Now, I have a date to catch with Danny." she said, then she left. My ankles were duct taped to the legs of the chair I was bound to and my hands were duct taped behind the chair. I sat there crying and trying to scream so at least someone would hear me, but I knew it was useless. Suddenly I heard footsteps and I felt relief wash over me._

But before my dream could go any further, my eyes flew open as the sunlight shone through my open window. A slight breeze went through my room, my hair flying around me and my curtains doing the same. I didn't remember my window being open last night. Maybe Eli or someone else came in while I was sleeping and opened it. The sun's rays shone magnificently across my room while a warm breeze kept flowing in and out.

I stole a breath of the nice, fresh air which suppressed the fear bottled inside me that the nightmare had caused. Then, of course, something had ruined the peaceful moment. The nausea came on strong this time. I hurried myself to the bathroom, passing Amy on the way there.

"Eli, come here!" I heard her call to him. I could feel my pulse in my fingertips. My head was becoming dizzy and it was beginning to hurt. I felt like I was going to faint. I felt Eli's hands hold back my hair, and even that simple touch reassured me of how much he cared. When it was over, he helped me up and handed me my toothbrush. I brushed out the revolting taste in my mouth for a few minutes. I felt completely starved now and right on cue my stomach grumbled.

I felt the palm of Eli's hand place against the small of my back. I walked forward and kept walking until I got to the stairs and stopped.

"Um, I'll meet you down there." I told him.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I nodded my head and walked towards my room. I stopped right before I got to the door to make sure he was downstairs. When I heard his footsteps walking down the stairs I opened the door. I went straight to the drawer of my nightstand and searched through it. I finally found a little blue journal with my name on it. The problem was, it had a lock and I couldn't find the key. I looked through other drawers but it was still not to be found.

"Looking for this?" I heard a voice ask. I gasped and quickly turned around, the journal clutched in my arms, held tightly against my chest. Eli stood before me, looking stunning with the sun shining perfectly on him. It lit up his features in an astonishingly gorgeous way. He held a small silver key between his fingertips.

He held it out towards me now. I nodded and took it from him.

"I'll go tell your mom you'll be down soon." he told me and walked out of my room. I slowly put the key through the lock, though it was hard with my hands shaking. I turned it until I heard a click. I flipped the pages of the journal until I found what I was looking for. A song, no, THE song. I started humming the tune. I looked down at the words and read them.

_The time flies by unexpectedly_

_I close my eyes, your face I see_

_Don't leave me now, I want you here_

_You whisper words into my ear_

_Shivers of pleasure crawl down my spine_

_I smile because now I know you're mine_

_Your simple touch, it warms my skin_

_Your lovely kisses make me grin_

I stopped there, not sure if I wanted to read anymore. Did I really share my feelings about him so openly? I knew I wasn't the person I used to be, and that upset me most of all. I feel so weak, and in my dreams seeing the person whom I used to be made me feel weaker, because she looked strong. If only I were her- I mean who I was. I felt like a completely different person, and I wasn't the only one who had to deal with it. Eli and Mom and Amy did too, even Danny. Everyone I knew had to deal with it, but did I really have the worst of it?

I realized how cautious I had to be. I didn't remember who I disliked or who I loved, like how I didn't remember how Sharon completely hated me. From the first day I came to school after the accident she was faking it, just a little 'show' she put on so people would know that we were still 'friends'. I put the journal back in its original place, not bothering to lock it. The lyrics and tune of the song played over and over again in my head.

School. I did not want to go today, mainly because I didn't want to see Sharon's face lurking around me with an evil grin, and after the incident yesterday, I was sure that she was up to something. But Sharon wasn't the only reason I didn't want to go to school, Danny was too. He tried to be my friend, but when I asked the on question I was sure he regretted knowing the answer to, he got mad and left.

I sat alone in homeroom and other classes, paranoid whenever Sharon talked loudly or stood up, even when she walked. She knew this was tormenting me, and I knew she was only partially satisfied. When lunch came around, I knew I had to talk to Danny, he was my only friend now, besides Marissa but it was too risky to talk to her now. I couldn't be sure if she treated me wrongly too.

When I got my lunch, I searched for the table he was sitting at. Finally I found it. I slowly walked towards it, hoping no one else would sit there.

"Um, Danny, can I sit here?" I asked in a quiet voice. He looked up at me after taking a sip of water.

"Sure." he said in an emotionless tone. I took a seat and placed my tray down.

"Sharon's up to something." he told me. I was surprised he said this. I thought he was on Sharon's side.

"I know, tell me about it. I had a nightmare last night, well, more of a memory, but she was in it." I said. He just stared at me blankly.

"What happened?" he asked.

"She bound me to a chair with duct tape." I told him while messing with the plastic fork wrapper. I thought I heard him mutter "Oh, that" but I wasn't sure.

"Can you just, help me avoid her today? I know she's up to something that will embarrass me for an eternity." I pleaded.

"Sure." he said. I was glad it wasn't in an emotionless tone this time. I smiled at him and I could tell he was trying to smile back, though it wasn't exactly a full smile.

Eli's absence left me feeling empty and cold inside. As I sat in my bedroom, trying to concentrate on my homework, my mind kept wandering to memories of the weekend we had spent together and the song, especially the song. I still couldn't believe how openly I shared my feelings about him, and it surprised me that we both wrote this because he now knows every word. I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate.

Since he left, the air seemed to feel five degrees cooler and the house has never seemed so empty. It felt like someone had died in here and their ghost was left to haunt each corner of the house. Soon, his silky black hair and ocean blue eyes took over my mind, with the tune of our song playing in the back of my mind. Then a thought hit me, if I found that journal in the drawer of my nightstand, what else could I find? Perhaps something that could trigger a memory?

I got up from my seat and headed towards the nightstand. Even though I saw lots of folded pieces of paper while looking for the journal, I never bothered looking at them. I picked one up and slowly unfolded it.

_Dear Lindsey,_

_I can't wait to see you on Christmas break! My family's so excited, and even my dad is coming. You know how he's usually on business trips, but now he's coming. I'm glad you'll finally get to meet him. Just be careful of what you say and do. He got in a bit of trouble a while ago (something I'm not aloud to speak of) and he has a few scars on his face. He's also been through some emotional trauma and has been seeing a therapist for a while, but he's a great guy._

_Also, sorry I couldn't e-mail you, the computer has been down for a while and since it's almost Christmas break, we can't see the repair guy until January 7th. I would call, but I can never find the time and my mom's so busy talking to her clients on the phone since she works from home and has to take care of Blaine. Do you remember him? He's the little five year-old blond with brown eyes. He got his eyes from my dad._

_He's really excited because on spring break my dad's going to take him to Florida with him since he has a business trip there. I loves the beach, but I feel bad because we don't take him there very often. He's very rambunctious and he has an overactive imagination. The other day he was making forts in his bedroom out of sheets and chairs and pretending he was in an army against the monsters in his closet and under his bed. When my mom walked in she just shook her head and laughed._

_He really misses you a lot, and I do too. I have something to tell you, but I'm not sure how you'll feel about it. I think it's best that I get it out now. Lindsey, I love you, with all my heart and I know it's a bit young and people would disapprove of this, but it's how I feel and I can't help it. I'm not just writing down words, but my emotions. It's just that we've been getting along so well that I've been falling even more in love with you each day. You may be reading this and thinking, "Oh, how corny can this guy get!" but it's the truth and I wish with all my heart that you would believe me._

_That last time I saw you when we were walking around town, my heart skipped a beat everytime I looked at you. When the sun shone on you your face glowed and your hair was shining and blowing in the wind. Your eyes were sparkling with excitement. I was absolutely amazed to have such an angelic face right in front of me. I promise you that I'm not lying, this is 100% the truth. I don't like lies, they're the reason for my dad's problems. I'd understand if you didn't feel the same way, or if it'd be a little weird._

_Love,_

_Eli_

_P.S. My mom says hi, and so does Blaine._

I stared at the note for a few seconds, taking it all in and then I went to grab another one.

_Dear Eli,_

_I can't wait until Christmas break either, and I can't wait to see your dad. I'm sorry about the trouble he has been in before, and I'll make sure to watch what I say. What you said about Blaine made me laugh. I showed my mom and Amy and they laughed too. They send 'hellos' and they say they can't wait either. I miss you as well, and I was completely shocked while reading your letter. You've been on my mind so much ever since you left, I've been dying to see you again._

_I believe you, Eli, don't worry, I do. Yes, it does sound a tad bit corny but I guess I shouldn't be saying this since I fell the same way. I guess what I'm saying, is that I love you too. Eli, I need your help with something. I've been having problems lately, with Sharon. She duct taped me to a chair, to a CHAIR Eli! All I remember is going to her house because she said she needed help with her homework. Her parents' were out late and her brother was coming home soon. As soon as I went to grab a book out of my bag she_

But the letter stopped there. There were a few scribbles at the bottom, and then two words were written.

_Forget it._

I crumpled up the note and threw it aside. I didn't want to think about that cruel person right now. I grabbed another note, which was the last one in the drawer.

_Hey Lindsey,_

_It's Danny. I've been having some rough times lately since we broke up, but don't blame yourself, it's my fault I can't move on. I've been feeling a bit depressed lately, but I don't know why. Since we said that we'd stay friends, can we go see a movie at Tray's tonight? He rented a good one. Um, gotta go now, Ms. Ruelin keeps staring at me, I think she's suspicious._

_Danny_

The note was written on the back of a worksheet the class must have been doing that day. I knew because that was the day I got in the car accident, the day that I went to that stupid party. I felt hot tears coming on and I tore the note to shreds in anger.

"Stupid note." I muttered under my breath. I dug through the drawer some more but I could only find some useless junk. I went over to my closet. There were some boxes inside. I took them out and opened one labeled 'Lindsey's box of junk'. It had hearts and flowers and stars drawn all over it. I took off the lid and peeked inside. More notes, but the thing was, they weren't really 'notes', but poems and stories. Was I really so poetic? There were songs as well and drawings.

I picked up a drawing. It was beautiful, but because it was of Eli and it was perfect! The shading of his hair and face was exactly right, and his eyes still held the same ocean blue serenity his real eyes had. This wasn't 'junk', but treasure. I closed the box and picked up another labeled 'Pictures'. I looked inside and gasped. There were so many pictures! There was one of Eli and I sticking our tongues out at the camera and one of us just talking, I was guessing that Amy had the camera.

Then I saw one with Danny and I in it. We were holding hands and he was kissing me on the cheek while I was smiling. I put the pictures back in the box and shoved all the boxes back into my closet. I still couldn't remember anything, but I was glad that I had found what I had, it made me know more of who I was. I laid down on my bed and quickly fell asleep.

Something felt a little off today, just not quite right and I wasn't exactly sure why. As I sat down in my seat for science, I felt an urge to steal a fast glance at Danny. He was looking down at his desk. I looked down at my notebook and started doodling on it.

As I walked in the hallway, I started feeling strange, like something unpleasant was about to happen. Just then, Sharon walked to the very center of the hallway.

"Attention everyone!" she yelled and then she looked directly at me with an evil grin on her face. I looked around for Danny, wondering where he was. This is the eternal embarrassment I was not prepared for.

"You all know my friend Lindsey right?" she asked everyone and pointed to me. All at once everyone's eyes were staring straight at me. I felt so self-conscious and uncomfortable. They looked back at Sharon, waiting for her to speak again.

"Well, since we're such good friends, she wanted me and only me to announce her wonderful news!" she shouted.

"Get to the point!" I heard someone yell. She looked angrily in their direction.

"Well, I don't know how long ago this was, but she met a guy and apparently-" but she was interrupted. I couldn't see why she stopped because all of the sudden people were blocking my view. I squeezed around people to try and get a better view and gasped at what I saw. Danny was kissing her! I knew it was only to stop her from revealing the truth, but it still left me feeling a little upset inside. He stopped after a few seconds.

I could tell that he wanted to spit the taste out of his mouth but he couldn't, not while he was in front of her. She looked at him dreamily and started giggling like fool. Usually when I kissed Eli I only giggled for a second and it didn't sound like I was crazy, but Sharon sounded like a hyena! Danny looked back at me for a few seconds and I could tell that he really despised what he did, but he wouldn't regret it. Sharon started walking off down the hallway, still giggling foolishly. I walked up to Danny and smiled.

"Thanks." I told him. He grimaced at me.

"Hey guys!" I heard a voice behind me say. I turned around and saw Marissa standing there, but she looked different. Her hair was completely blond now! She wore a blue hoodie and dark blue skinny jeans.

"Marissa! You're hair!" I exclaimed. She nodded with pride and then giggled for a second.

"I know! It's great, isn't it?! Well, anyway, what was that all about? I came out of the bathroom and saw everyone standing in a huge bunch." she said with curiousity.

"Um, nothing really." I told her. I didn't want to break her up from Sharon, it just didn't feel right.

"Well, I'm gonna go to math now, see you later." she said and she walked towards the math teacher's room.

During lunchtime, I was still a little paranoid that Sharon would try to do something. Of course I sat with Danny, but Marissa sat with us too, which made it a little awkward because she didn't really know much of what was going on. She was absolutley clueless. I sat there and quietly ate my mashed potatoes. I remembered when I was little, I'd make little mashed potato volcanoes. I chuckled at the thought, but then I instantly stopped and froze.

"I remembered." I whispered to myself.

"Did you say something?" Danny asked. I shook my head, thinking that it was nothing important to say to him, but it would be vital to tell Mom and Amy. Another memory flashed in my head.

_I was around six or seven years old. I was giggling non-stop at something I found very amusing. My hair was pulled up in two ponytails. I was wearing jean shorts with little flowers on them and a blue shirt that said 'Daddy's Little Girl' on it. It all seemed so familiar and vague. I looked over at a man whom I resembled quite well. _

_We were on a dock at a pier. There were a few boats sailing through the water. A warm breeze flew through the air and I breathed in the smell. I looked over at this man with a big smile on my face._

_"Daddy! I caught a bigger fish than you!" I said, smiling my toothy little smile._

_"Yes you did sunshine! Good job!"he told me. I smiled proudly. Sunshine. It was his nickname for me. I loved it when he called me that, but that was then, and now he's gone._

The sounds in the cafeteria became more real and I knew that my flashback was over. I found myself crying, my tears dripping onto the table and over my food. All I know is that I missed that man so much, I missed my father, my daddy. Danny moved closer and put an arm around me. I laid my head down on the table and cried, not caring who saw or what they thought. Marissa sat on the other side of me, patting my hand and trying to calm me down.

That was the first thing I remembered without dreaming. When I told Mom about the first thing I remembered, she got very excited, until I told her about the second thing. I cried on her shoulder and she patted my pat. We sat on the couch watching movies until I had to go to bed. I felt our bond was growing very well. It was a relationship worthy of envy.

I woke up the next day and was thankful that I was not feeling nauseous. I got out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror attached to my closet. My stomach area was rounder and my waist had gotten curvier. I sighed a deep sigh. I knew that eventually people would find out.

I wondered what they would think of me once they had caught on that I was pregnant. I shuddered at the thought of people insulting me everyday. I walked down the stairs to eat breakfast, but I was shaking the whole way down. When I got to the last step, I collapsed to the floor in tears. The questions I asked myself were bearable, but the answers were insufferable. In only a few seconds, Mom and Amy were by my side helping me up.

"What happened honey?" Mom asked.

"I had a little breakdown." I said quietly. She patted my back.

"How about you skip school today. Go up to your room and I'll make you some tea. I'll bring you up some breakfast too." she told me. I nodded my head but before I could run up the stairs she placed the palm of her hand against my forehead.

"Oh no. You're burning up sweetheart. I'll bring up a bag of ice too." she said and she went back into the kitchen. Amy gave me a hug and then walked towards the living room. I went back up to my bedroom and laid down on my bed. There was no escaping my thoughts now, I didn't even of school to get my mind off of things! I curled up into a little ball and let the rest of my tears flow out of me like a river.

"Eli, this is absurd, you really shouldn't be doing this!" I told him. We were walking through the mall. He told me I could pick out anything I'd like to wear tomorrow and he'd buy it, even the accessories.

"Please, just let me. My father's coming home tomorrow and I want you to be happy with what your wearing." he said. We were staying over at his house again, but he didn't tell us his father was coming back until we got here. Since I didn't know, I figured I'd bring one pair of jeans, some old sweats, and two t-shirts to wear during the day so I'd be comfortable. We were only staying today and tomorrow.

I browsed through a random clothing store. I didn't know where to go or what my favorite stores were since I didn't remember anything. My eyes immediately caught a cute dress. It was called a cross-back dress and it was white. I loved it! I took it off the rack and held it in my arms while I went to search for jewelry. I found a pretty hammered discs necklace that went well with the dress. I gave my things to Eli and waited outside the store while he bought them.

When he came out with the bag, which held my purchases, in his hand I gave him a hug and a quick kiss. He smiled at me and we walked towards the food court where our mom's were waiting.

When we got back to the house, I set my bag down next to my suitcase, which was in his room, and sat on his bed. Eli came in and sat down next to me. He moved me over so I would be sitting on his lap. I rested my head against his and sighed. He started to caress the noticeable bump on my stomach. I kissed his cheek softly and went back to resting my head next to his.

He leaned closer to the small bump and softly kissed it, then he moved up to my shoulder, and next to the hollow my neck. He moved on to my cheek, and then he finally got to my lips. Each kiss left a warming sensation running through me that was irresistible.

"I love you." he murmured. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you too." I murmured back. He continued kissing me. They were the sweetest kisses a person could give and he was giving them to me! I tried to do the same in return, but nothing could match up to his kisses. The hands that were tangled in my hair moved down to my waist and I knew where he was going with this, but it wasn't his fault, just a human reaction.

"Uh-uh mister, you already played that card. You can't play it twice." I told him after practically prying myself away from his lips.

"Can't I cheat?" he whispered in my ear. I lightly laughed.

"Not for a while." I said back. He moved his hand back up to my hair. I was glad that he had listened to me, it showed that he was respectful. We turned our heads toward the door when we heard someone knock. It was Sarabeth. She looked directly at me.

"Your mom and I are making lunch right now, we'll call you down when it's ready. Why don't you try on your dress in the meantime sweetheart." she said smiling. I nodded and grabbed the bag that was on top of my suitcase. I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Then I took my clothes out of the bag. I stripped out of what I was wearing and tried on the white dress. When I looked in the mirror I gasped. The bump was clearly visible and it looked bigger than usual.

I was on the verge of tears now. I was getting so emotional lately, so this kind of thing would make me cry. I've had enough of this. Everyday the bulge only gets bigger and everyday I feel eyes staring at me, burning into the back of my head and into my stomach. If people were in this position they wouldn't be staring as much, or would they?

My public humiliation was just about to start, and I couldn't avoid or control it. This would ruin my life. THIS WILL RUIN IT! I screamed in my head, or maybe it was out loud. I wasn't sure, but I didn't care. The next thing I knew, I was banging my fists against the mirror. Hot anger was flooding through my veins and I could only hear the my heartbeat pulsing. My ears blocked out everything but that.

At last I saw the glass break and shatter onto the ground. My body hit the cold, tile floor, a few pieces of glass cutting into my back. My head hit the sink counter hard. I looked at my bloody, shaking hands and then at the broken mirror. The adrenaline rush made it useless to feel pain, but I knew it was bound to come. I saw Eli rush into the room and it looked like a light was shining on his stunning face.

He had a look of shock and pain on his face. I saw his eyes becoming watery. It looked like he was shouting something, but I didn't hear any sound. I started seeing little dots and everything became blurry. Things started to fade to black, and I wasn't even looking into someone's eyes. I didn't want to leave his beautiful face, not now. Suddenly, darkness took me over, leaving me feeling cold and empty inside.

My eyes fluttered open to discover myself in a small room. The walls were a very light blue. I suddenly recognized this place as a hospital. Everything came to me in a rush, everything I remembered since the day I woke up from the hospital. I shook my head in shame at what I had done. I looked at my hands. They were bandaged up pretty well. I felt tears of shame coming on.

What if I had put my unborn child in danger? Oh god. How could I let this happen? My anger had gotten the best of me, and now I regret ever doing that. I buried my face into my hands as my tears trickled down my cheeks. Then I remembered...Eli!

I jerked my head up and looked around for him. There was a small, dark blue couch all the way in the far corner of the room, and a sleeping Eli was lying on it. I heard footsteps coming towards the door, so I instantly closed my eyes and pretended I was sleeping. The footsteps trudged over to the couch where Eli was resting.

"Eli, wake up. Come on son, your mother wants us to get some lunch." a man said in a deep but gentle voice. He said son, so I was guessing he was Eli's father. Oh no! Eli's father! I ruined everything by my stupid mistake! There were a few seconds of silence before I heard Eli's soothing voice speak.

"Lunch?" I heard him ask. Even though it was just one word, it seemed to calm me down a little.

"Yes, lunch. We have to hurry though. Who knows what leaked out to the press. They'll probably be here at some point soon. Let's go." his father said.

"The press?"

"Yes. They think a story about a girl who's pregnant and lost her memory who then ends up in the hospital after a breakdown is interesting, but them bothering her is just sickening to me. She needs time alone, and time to deal with this. It might just cause her to breakdown again."

"She's stronger than that, I know she is. You saw her over Christmas break! She was a confident girl with no fear who took charge. Now, it's different. She changed. She's scared and not who she was."

"You can't expect her to be the same after that! A person's memories and experiences shape them into who they are. If you don't remember any experiences you've had, than you don't remember who you are. You're left feeling scared and alone because you barely know anything! Give her time and I'm sure she'll get better. All it takes is time." The father's words got me thinking. Every word he spoke was the truth, just like Eli's words. They seemed so alike, yet I don't remember anything about him!

"I'll meet you by the waiting room." Eli said. I heard his dad's heavy footsteps walk out of the room, and then Eli's footsteps walk towards me. His hand caressed my cheek and he lightly kissed me on the lips. Right when he was about to pull away, I kissed him back gently. He pulled away carefully and looked into my eyes.

"Did you hear the conversation?" he asked. I nodded my head.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I nodded my head again.

"I'm sorry, I just had a breakdown. I shouldn't have done that." I told him.

"Don't worry, everything will be alright. It didn't surprise me that you held up for so long, but I was a little caught of guard when you did that. But everything will be fine." he said.

"But what if it doesn't, Eli?! What if I harmed our-" I couldn't say it, so instead I burst out crying. He held my head in between his hands and placed my hair behind my ears. He wiped away my tears and kissed me softly on the cheek.

"Whatever happens I'll still love you, just like everyone else will." he told me reassuringly. Someone knocked on the door. I was assuming it was the doctor.

"Lindsey Richardson? I'm Dr. Warlan. You'll be glad to know that your only injuries are those on your hands and the scratches on you back. Your unborn child is unharmed." he said with a friendly smile. I sighed with relief and looked at Eli, then back at the doctor. He turned towards the door, but then he stopped.

"Oh and Lindsey?" I looked up at him.

"Congratulations, it's a boy." he told me. As the words processed through my brain, a smile started to slowly form on my face. The doctor walked out of the room whistling some song I'd never heard of. I turned to Eli and he looked just as shocked as I was. I couldn't believe it. I was going to have a little boy. Eli kissed me again, but more passionately. I couldn't help but giggle through it. I was so ecstatic! I was completely filled with joy!

As I walked through the enormous crowd of people asking me questions, I stayed huddled into Eli's side. The 'press' is so annoying! People kept asking me questions and getting in my face. My mom and Eli's parents', with the help of a nurse, tried to keep them away from us. I sighed with relief once we were in the car and driving away from the Press.

I laid my head on Eli's shoulder and tried to forget about the incident that happened at his house. I was still so ashamed of myself and I couldn't forget about what I had done. We were planning on telling my mom and his parents' when we got home. I wondered how they'd react. My heart started to beat faster as we got out of the car. Eli held my hand in his while we walked inside behind everyone.

"Um, guys? I need to tell you something." I announced. Eli squeezed my hand gently. They all turned around and stared at me, waiting for me to say something.

"While in the hospital, the doctor told me something. There was no harm, done to the baby. He also said, that I'm having a boy." I told them. It felt like my cheeks as red as they could possibly get. Before I knew it, Mom was screaming with joy and rambling on about how she always wanted a grandson. Everything felt like it was coming by too quickly, like I need to stop and take a moment to breathe, but that wouldn't happen to me, not today at least.

Everyone started hugging and congratulating me. I just smiled and hugged them back. Soon enough, Mom and Sarabeth were planning everything out. Possible baby names I might like, what they think the baby will be like, what would look cute on him, and of course, the baby shower. Ugh! As if this weren't embarrassing enough! Eli and I went up to his room and laid down on his bed. I held his hand focused on breathing.

"This is going by so fast." I whispered to him.

"Yes, and before you know it, it will be over." he said.

"I don't think I'm ready. I don't feel ready at all!"

"I don't blame you, but still, will you ever truly be ready? Who ever is?" His words were of course the truth, just like his father's. Their similarities were undeniable. They both had midnight black hair. Eli's skin was smooth and where there weren't scars, so was his father's. Their personalities were almost exactly the same! The only difference was their eye color. His father's eyes are hazel.

"I heard you talking to your dad. You said I used to be strong and confident and I'm not like that now. Do you, still love me as much as you did? Do you think of me as the same person?" I asked. I didn't want to put him in this situation, but I had to know.

"I will always love you, no matter how much you change. You may act differently sometimes, but you are also the same person. I can tell." he told me. I thought about this, really dissecting his words and figuring their meaning. Even if I turn out to be a horrible person, would he still love me because of who I was and everything I did? Maybe he would be stuck in the past, in his memories. He would miss them and hold on to them, wouldn't he? I know I would. Or would I? Is that something I would really do?

Am I really the same person as I was? No. I'm different, weaker. I'm more fragile and prone to breakdowns. I'm emotional too. Was I ever like this before? I probably wasn't, but couldn't I try to be how I was before? It probably wouldn't work out.

"Have fun at Grandma's!" mom told me in the car. I smiled and got out. She said that doing this might help me, but after all I've been through, I had many doubts about this. I turned around to look at the house which stood before me. It looked old, with yellow paint peeling of the sides and as well as dark blue paint on the door. The shudders were the same dark blue.

The porch was white, and the paint was peeling as well. It creaked as I walked up its steps. A chilly breeze blew through sending shivers through me. When I reached the front door, I sat my suitcase down beside me and rang the doorbell. I heard shuffling and mumbling coming from behind the door, and then out came who I assumed was Grandma.

She had grayish hair that cut just above her shoulders. She had a pointy nose and thin lips. She stared at me with her dark brown eyes and then smiled a generous smile. She wore a kind face.

"Well, hello there, Lindsey! I've heard so much about you lately. You poor thing." she told me. I smiled back at her while she waved for me to come inside. I picked up my suitcase and followed her, remembering to shut the door. There was the living room right in front of us in the middle. To our right was the kitchen and to our left was the dining room. We walked a little further and went up a flight of stairs that led us to a narrow hallway. The walls were a light burgundy color.

She turned right and walked until she got to a door. She opened it and led me inside.

"This is where you will be sleeping. You always used to sleep in this room when you were little. You said it comforted you, it calmed you down." she said. I nodded and put my suitcase down.

"I'll leave you to get settled. Just shout my name when your finished and I'll give you a tour of the house. I'll be downstairs in the living room." she told me and smiled sweetly.

"Thank you." I said. She closed the door behind her. I sat on the bed dressed with white sheets and a light pink comforter. I looked around, taking everything in. The walls were the same shade of pink as the comforter I sat on. On a little wooden dresser sat a mirror, pictures, and a few glass antiques. I walked over to look at them.

One little glass antique was a vase with a few fake pink roses in them. There was a picture of Grandma, Amy, Mom, and myself when I was little. I walked back over to the bed and laid down. Maybe my time here wouldn't be so boring, I thought to myself. I shoved my suitcase into the closet and called out for Grandma.

"Coming sweetheart!" she replied. I heard her weary footsteps walking up the stairs and to the room.

"Oh my...those steps are a work out." she said. I let out a small laugh to ease the awkwardness between us. She put her hands on my shoulders and looked me up and down. Her eyes stopped at my stomach and I flinched, she didn't seem to notice though. She laid a finger on the bump and then looked up at me. She stared into my eyes for a moment and then shook her head.

"Follow me." she said. She led me through the hallway, showing me where her room was as well as the bathroom. She told me where not to go and where she was most likely to be found. When we were downstairs, she stopped at one specific door that was painted a sort of off-white color. He looked different than the other doors, it looked older.

"I must tell you this now and must listen to me. You must never, ever go into the basement. If you walk through this door, I'm sending you straight back home to deal with your mother." she told me. I nodded my head quickly. I didn't want to be a troublemaker, but I was very curious. If she hadn't of told me that, I probably would have never thought to go in there. She led me through the rest of the house, and each time we past the door leading down to the basement, I tried to avoid looking at it and to keep from curiosity. I went back upstairs to look around, hoping that maybe something would spark a memory.

I knew which rooms to avoid and which rooms I was welcome to. I walked into the first one I saw. There were boxes everywhere. It must have been used for storage. One box was labeled with my name. I sat on the ground and put it on my lap while opening it. It was full of pictures, drawings (well, scribbles), notes, and things that were classified as 'junk'. This reminded me of when I found those drawings and letters. I picked one up and started reading it.

_Lindsey's Poem 6-14-07_

_This joy you've brought to me_

_I can't express myself_

_Emotions held so deep_

_Your eyes mask you so well_

_They look straight into me_

_Down deep into my soul_

_Their sparkling mystery_

_Expressions you withhold _

I couldn't believe I wrote that! I looked at the date. This was written two years ago, when I was 14. Who was I talking about? Was I even talking about someone? I picked up another one.

_Lindsey's Poem 7-8-08_

_His hand holding my face_

_His breath against my neck _

_I hear his whispered words_

_His eyes filled with regret_

_Departure's sorrowful_

_Goodbyes bring many tears_

_Your lips so soft and warm_

_Tears falling down my cheeks _

Who's departure was I talking about? Maybe it wasn't about a specific person, but about what I saw happening around me how I would feel about it. I searched further through the mess in the box, and came upon a light purple journal with my name on the front. I almost screamed out a 'yes' but I contained myself. Finally I would be able to fill in the empty spaces in my mind. The empty memories.

I opened it up, glad that there wasn't a lock attached, and started reading the first page.

_Dear Diary,_

_Grandma got me a journal to keep here, but I'm not sure what to write, so I guess my thoughts will do. She says she won't read it, but I'm sure she does. Yesterday was nice. I went to the lake with Danny. We swam around for a bit, but then it started raining, so we went back to the house. _

_Mom says that I have to visit Grandma once a month. It's alright visiting her, but she can seem so mysterious sometimes. One moment she'll seem sweet and then the next she'll act like she'd just been suspected of commiting a crime. She'll get defensive and argue. Maybe it's an old people thing._

_I'm getting mad. I can't look into someone's eyes without..well, I guess I'll explain it. When I really look into a person's eyes, I can see into them. I see them in a beam of light. The light will be a different color depending on what they're feeling. Some people would call this a 'gift' but it's more like a curse. I have to avoid looking into Danny's pretty eyes, and I think he's thinking I don't like him like I used to or I'm avoiding him._

_I haven't told anyone about this...yet. People wouldn't understand. Mom wouldn't believe me. She'd freak out and go overboard. Amy would be too understanding. She'd try to help me, maybe even call an institution to come pick me up and take me away. Others would think of me as a freak and laugh in my face. This makes me realize how cruel and misunderstanding people can really be. Gotta go, write more later._

_Lindsey_

I skipped ahead a few pages.

_Dear Diary,_

_I met a few friends of my family the other day. One was my age. His name was Eli. He seemed really nice and cool. His hair was a medium length that flipped out a little at the ends. His hair was a midnight black. It was shiny and silky, so soft and smooth. It looked that way at least. His eyes were unbelievable!_

_They were a blue that reminded me of an ocean. They were soft and serene, not hard and ice-looking like Danny's. They had a certain depth to them that was extraordinary! His pale skin was smooth and flawless. He was easy to talk to, because he was honest. I could see us being great friends, though part of me wants to be more than that. I don't want to leave Danny though! And besides, Eli is an hour or two away, it could never happen. Never._

_I'll write more later. Besides, Grandma's calling me down for dinner._

_Lindsey_

"Lindsey sweetheart, come down here please!" Grandma called.

"Coming!" I shouted. I put the box in its place and the journal on top of my suitcase. I walked downstairs to see what Grandma wanted. When I got there, a girl and an older looking lady were standing at the door.

"Hello! We're your grandmother's neighbors!" the older woman told me. I shyly waved.

"My name is Patricia and this is my daughter, Carly. Say hi sweetheart." Patricia told her daughter. Patricia had hair the color of a copper penny, and bright green eyes, but her daughter was very different. Her daughter looked very petite with very dark brown hair that stopped just above her waist. It was straightened. Her golden brown eyes gleamed up at me and she had shown a small small upon her face. Her pointy nose wrinkled at the smell of Grandma cooking. She shyly waved back.

"I'll go help with the cooking. Try to get along with, um-"

"Lindsey." I told Patricia.

"Thank you, Lindsey." she said warmly. She walked into the kitchen where Grandma was and Carly walked up to me. She looked shy and afraid. I smiled warmly at her, trying to make her feel more comfortable.

"So, how are you?" I asked. She stared at me, not answering. After a moment, she just shrugged and started walking up the stairs. I followed her and when we got to the top, I led her into my room. She sat down on the window sill and looked out on the front lawn. I came up beside her and stared out the window as well.

"It's nice outside isn't it?" I asked. She nodded.

"When did you move here?" I asked. She stared at me for a while, and then I saw tears forming in her eyes. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but she then closed it and shook her head.

"You can't speak?" I asked. She shook her head 'no'. She was mute.

"Were you born like this?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't be upset by this question. She once again shook her head. She took something out from behind her back that I've never noticed there before. It was a portable dry-erase board. She started writing on it. I looked out the window and waited for her to finish. She handed it to me and I started reading.

_My full name is Carlianna Christine Rose. I am fifteen years old. My birthday is on April 5th. What about you?_

I erased her message and started writing my own.

_My full name is Lindsey-_

She snatched the board away from me and started to write.

_Just speak._

It read. I nodded my head.

"I'm Lindsey Grace Richardson. I'm sixteen years old. My birthday is- well I forget. See, I lost my memory in a car accident awhile ago." I told her. She nodded her head and started writing. I looked over her shoulder and started reading what she was writing.

_Your grandma told my mom everything and my mom told me everything. She just forgot your name earlier. I'm sorry about what happened. It must be terrible. Since I know some about what happened to you, would you like to know more about me? Just ask questions and keep talking._

"Sure." I started. "How did you become mute if you weren't born this way?" I asked. She started writing away and when she was finished, she handed me the board.

_It's something my mother doesn't want others to know about. She doesn't want them feeling sorry for us, and I agree. My father wasn't a great person. Around my mother, he was the perfect husband and father, but without her around, he was horrible. There were times when I'd fear that I might never see the daylight streaming through my windows in the morning again. One night, he said he'd take me 'swimming'. I was so little, but gullible too._

"What happened?" I asked with curiosity.

_We went riding in his little blue truck to a nearby river. I fell asleep and when I awoke, he was dragging me out of the truck and towards the river._

_"Daddy? Where are you taking me? Are we going to swim now?" I asked in my high-pitched voice._

_"Yes Carlianna." he answered._

_"But I didn't bring me bathing suit!" I protested._

_"You won't need it, trust me." We stopped right at the edge of the river, when he leaned down close to my face. I could smell his breath and I instantly guessed that he had been at the bar once again. His buddies, they were cruel around me as well. They call me an annoying little pest and push me to the ground, but my dad was the worst of them. His hand smacked my cheek hard, making tears well up in my eyes._

_"Daddy! Stop!" I screamed. He grabbed me by my collar, slowly lowering me inch by inch towards the water, towards what I thought to be my certain death. When I felt the freezing water touch my back I screamed like a maniac, but my dad only inched me in faster._

She had to stop and erase what she wrote so she could write more.

_At last my body was crushed between a huge rock and my father's hands. The water ran over me, over my mouth accidentally running into my mouth. I spewed it out and closed my mouth, making sure no more water could get through. I could still breath through my nose though. He let go of my collar slowly, letting me drift with the current. Soon I found myself floating away from him, until my shirt snagged on something. A twig. A twig that had saved my life._

_My father tried once more to drown me. He dunked my head down and down, deeper into the freezing cold water, yet my pajama shirt was still snagged on the twig. My mother found him, and she said she saw everything, though I only knew she saw not even half of it. I was so shaken up, so terrified, I couldn't speak, ever again._

I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. How could a father try to drown his own daughter?

"I-I'm so sorry." I whispered.

_Don't be. Everything's fine now._

She wrote. I still couldn't help but feel this way. She was mute because of her father, because he was horrible to her. I hoped Eli will never be that way. He couldn't! It was practically impossible because he was the most caring and sweetest person on Earth. I was glad for that.

"Have we ever met before?" I asked her. She nodded her head.

"What happened?" I asked. Maybe this was a bad question to ask. She probably wouldn't want to write all of it out just for me.

_Not much. Basically what's going on now. Then you showed me something. You called it "soul seeing"._

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. I actually told someone? Was this how much I trusted her? When I came out of my racing thoughts, I saw the board with her writing on it in front of my face. I took it out of her hands and read it.

_You're not crazy. I believed you, especially after you looked at my soul. You said seeing into my soul filled you with sorrow. My light was very dim and look like a dark blue. When you looked farther into it, you could see the light become lighter, and that's when you said there was hope for me. You said I could do great things, even without my voice. I believed that as well, though nothing great has happened yet and I'm afraid nothing great will ever happen to me._

_Can you show me your poems again? Have you made any new ones? I've always loved reading them! Sorry, that was a little pushy._

"Um, I'm not sure. I'll bring out what I can." I told her. I went into the other room and grabbed the box, quickly retreating back to the bed where she was waiting. I took out the first thing my hand touched. A poem, of course, but one I hadn't read yet. I decided to read it out loud.

_"Tomorrow comes as quickly_

_As any other day_

_Walking down this path with you_

_In the pouring rain_

_Laughter breaking silence_

_Kisses fill the space_

_Words of love and care_

_Put my heart in place_

_Eyes may say each word_

_Hands may intertwine_

_Breaths of cool fresh air_

_In nature so divine_

_Lips may kiss my cheek_

_Arms may hold me so_

_Being with you now_

_Never letting go"_

The words felt so honest and true. I heard her clapping and when I looked up, a sweet smile was on her face. I reached my hand in the box again and this time, I pulled out a photo. Carly and I were in it. We were standing on Grandma's porch, smiling and laughing. Something in the back round caught my eye. Down at the very bottom right-hand corner, was the window of the basement, and there were eyes staring at whoever was taking the picture. They looked familiar, but I wasn't sure who the person was. I couldn't even tell if they were a woman or a man.

I held the picture up to the light. It looked like there were little bumps, like there was writing on the back. I flipped the picture over and read the words scribbled there.

_Grandma has secret. Someone in basement. Grandma acts mysterious and suspicious. Who's in the basement? Or what...._

Was I trying to figure this all out before? I looked through the box until I found my journal. Maybe there was something in there that could help. I flipped through the pages until I came to the entry that matched the exact date it said the picture was taken on.

_Dear Diary,_

_I know something's up, I'm not stupid. Grandma tries to act as if nothing's going on and I'm being ridiculous, but I think I'm closer to getting to the truth, and I think she knows. I'm not saying how, but I just think so. I've seen her sneaking something down into the basement a few times a day. I hear her talking, to what seems like herself. I've though of her going crazy, but there just isn't enough evidence to prove this theory._

_Whatever she's up to, I'm on the verge of finding it out. But, aside from this mystery, there our other things I want to write out, normal things. Eli has done it again. I'm under the spell of his gorgeous eyes and cute smile. I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. Last Thursday was...wonderful. Eli came over with Sarabeth and Blaine. Of course his father was on another one of his business trips. _

_I was finishing putting on make-up when I heard the doorbell ring. I rushed down the stairs and opened the front door. Eli was standing there with his mother and little brother beside him. Sarabeth wore her long blonde hair down and curly. She looked beautiful as always. Blaine was his usual blonde-haired, brown-eyed self. And then Eli. He was standing there in his black hoodie and dark blue skinny jeans. _

_I gave them all a welcoming smile and invited them in. We all settled down in the living room and waited for Mom to come down the stairs. Amy wasn't there. She was at one of those high school parties that everyone's invited to, well, actually welcome to come, which everyone does. Eli stood up and walked over to me. I felt my heart beating faster in my chest._

_"Let's go for a walk." he said. I nodded and we walked out the door together. I felt a bit overdressed next to him. Mom told me to wear something nice because later in the night we could possibly be going to one of those expensive restaurants. She also added that we wanted to make a good impression. _

_I was wearing a silky black strapless dress with a black beaded necklace and a black dangling earrings. I kept my make-up looking simple and natural with just a tad bit of blush but mostly defining my eyes with mascara and a bit of eyeliner. I put on pale lipstick put added a little lip gloss to it to add some shine. My hair was curled and Amy somehow made it more voluminous before she left. She even bragged about how great a job she did._

_I looked up above me, into the vast night sky. The sky was as dark as Eli's hair, except for the stars shining brightly in their place. The sky was beautiful, and I watched it in all it's glory right before me with my own two eyes. I looked ahead of me, and saw a familiar clearing in the woods. There was a lake there. It was small, but a lake nonetheless. I remember summers at that lake. Swimming, fishing, picnicking. The lake was beautiful with trees surrounding it except for where that clearing was._

_During the summer, to make it even better, some people planted flowers and a few more trees. I wondered if the plants ever died, or if they kept on living._

_"Come on." I told Eli while grabbing his hand. We walked towards the clear. I gasped in shock when I saw the indescribable scenery laid out before my eyes. The moonlight illuminated every inch of the lake and flowers. The flowers were many different colors. Different shades of yellow and pink. Light purples and dark, rich violets. Eye catching blues and amazing reds. They all surrounded the lake from as far as the eye could see. There was a small dock close by, and a boat waiting to be used. It was open for the public, but who knew how long it had been since someone had used it?_

_I led him towards the small deck and then sat down on it, amazed by how beautiful everything was. He sat down beside me, his hand still in mine. I felt my cheeks blushing a soft red color._

_"It's amazing!" I said with excitement. I smiled at the joyful look on his face. He stood up, his hand escaping mine, but leaving a burning flame across my skin. The feeling was so dizzying I struggled to focus._

_"Let's go in the boat." he said._

_"Huh? Actually go in the boat?" I asked. He nodded with excitement. I stood up beside him and stared at the floating wooden object. It kind of reminded me of The Little Mermaid and the scene where Ariel and Eric were in the boat together, and they kissed. Fairy tales. Just fairy tales from childhood that no longer held an importance or reality in my mind, except for that night._

_Being with him made my whole life feel like it was a fairy tale. The father not around. The grandmother hiding secrets. The girl with the freakish power. And in comes in the prince! Eli. Prince Eli. I smiled at the thought. When I came back to reality, Eli was climbing into the boat. He looked back at me and smiled._

_"Come on!" he encouraged, holding out a hand. I took it, and instantly my skin once again burned. I tried to ignore the feeling and climb into the boat. I sat on one side while Eli sat on the other. He leaned down and picked up to paddles that were lying on the floor of the boat. I was surprised they and the boat weren't rotting. He started paddling. I stared looked around, wondering if anyone was watching, but when I looked back over at Eli, he was staring at me. It wasn't a bad stare, but a kind, gentle one._

_As we got farther out into the lake, I got more paranoid about the boat breaking. I flinched at every little creak it made, and then Eli would chuckle and tell me there was nothing to worry about. That's easy for him to say. He stopped and let the paddles rest beside him. It was so quiet, even here where there were trees all around! Then I heard something croaking beside me. I looked down and saw a frog. I squealed and jumped over to Eli's side. He started cracking up laughing._

_I looked up at him, biting my lip trying to hold in my giggles. Apparently, during my jump, I wasn't watching where I was going, and I landed on his lap...in his arms. I was in his arms! Everything felt so romantic and in place. It felt...right. I stared at his eyes, trying to avoid looking into his soul, but I found myself looking down. It was the only way to avoid looking into his soul. Then, unexpectedly, his warm, soft lips were pressed up against mine in a sweet, caring way. It suited him well. Sweet, and caring! But there was something else, a deep desire hidden beneath the heat, hidden beneath it all buried alive. But it was slowly coming out of its confinement, slowly revealing itself._

_I kissed him back. It was magical...like a fairy tale. I wondered if Dad and Mom had ever felt this way towards each other. A burning passion with a desire buried beneath it all. Had Mom ever looked into Dad green eyes and fallen even more in love? Wait, his eyes. I knew they were familiar...I knew _

But it stopped there. The next few pages were ripped out and I knew exactly who did it. Grandma. Of course she had been reading my entries and of course she'd want me to write in a diary. She wanted to know if I knew anything or was suspicious of her. And now that my memory was erased and a new slate had started, she must have figured she was in the clear.

All I knew was that I had to get into that basement. Crazy ideas of what could be hidden down there flooded into my mind. Could it be some illegal drug? Or animal perhaps? Did she steal something? Did she kidnap someone? These were all possible, except for maybe the animal one.

I looked up from the diary, and then over to Carly. I had forgotten she was here, and she was being so patient. Maybe she could help me, but I didn't really want to drag her into this. She held up her board and I read from it.

_Whatever it is, I'll help you with it._

I smiled at her and put the picture and diary back in the box.

Not too much later, we were sneaking down the stairs. They had the radio on loudly, so we were sure they couldn't hear us.

"Go, now. Good luck." I whispered to Carly. She nodded her head and went farther down the stairs. Just a few minutes ago we had found a smashed up lamp in a box with the glass pieces surrounding it. We weren't sure why it was there, it just was. The glass was clear, making our plan work perfectly. We shoved the broken glass into a plastic bag and prepared ourselves for what was going to happen.

She took out the plastic bag and let the pieces fall onto the ground. The next part I totally objected to, but she insisted on doing it herself. She shoved the plastic bag in her pocket and picked up a shard of glass. She held it to her skin, the sharp part right against it. It gave my stomach an uneasy feeling. She moved it towards her skin, and then the sharp part broke through. She winced at the pain, but continued to cut.

She drew a line down her skin. Blood started to drip out of the cut and then right down her arm. I felt sick, but I continued to watch. Maybe the pain wasn't as bad as the pain her father put her through. She stopped, and then drew a few more scratches and cuts. She even drew one on her forehead. I winced and closed my eyes for a second each time she went to cut again. I tried to imagine the feeling of a sharp, pointy shard of glass grazing above your skin. The tingling feeling just when it touches the very tip of your skin, and then when the edge breaks through the tiniest bit of your skin.

The adrenaline rush you feel flooding through you. Your face feeling paler and paler the deeper the edge cuts. Then the blood. The metal-tasting dark red fluid that runs through everyone's veins. Blood. The first drop that escapes and then runs down your skin, other drops falling, tickling where they touch, but feeling warm and wet. Yet the pain, the sharp intense pain that you can't ignore. Even if it's just a cut, the pain is very real.

She threw the glass onto the ground and took in a deep breath. She banged her shoulder into the wall, sending a few picture frames falling to the ground near the glass. So far so good with the plan. Then immediately she fell to the ground on top of the glass. I was suddenly reminded of that day I broke the mirror at Eli's house with my fists and fell to the ground on my back, the glass beneath me.

I hid on the stairs a little more when Grandma and Patricia entered from the kitchen. I could tell how much they were panicking. I quietly sneaked towards the basement doors and, while they were distracted, I opened it just enough to squeeze my body through. It was dark, but luckily I had enough sense to bring a flashlight. I turned it on, light almost blinding me. I started seeing colored dots everywhere, but I just blinked them away.

I walked down the stairs, deeper into the basement. Darkness was flooding the cold area, it was almost...suffocating. I moved the flashlight to look to the left. There was a dusty desk and a mini fridge beside it. There were a few magazines on the desk and a laptop. A laptop? Hm, that's a bit odd, considering Grandma already has one in her bedroom when she took me on the tour. I felt eyes staring at my back and someone breathing heavily, their breath brushing against my neck and sending shivers up my spine.

I bit my lip and covered my mouth, trying not to scream and pee my pants. I turned around and shined the flashlight in the person's face. It couldn't be....could it? No wonder the eyes looked so familiar. Dad. My father! The man whom resembles me so. The man who I cried over in the cafeteria over at a simple memory. My dad.

He looked a little bit more pale than I remember in photos and he didn't look as clean either.

"D-dad?" I asked, making sure it wasn't his twin or some random person.

"You seem...familiar. Who are you?" he asked. Hm, maybe this wasn't my father afterall. If that was so, then who was he?

"Um, never mind. I'm Lindsey, by the way." I told him. My eyes caught the sight of the wall behind him. A newspaper was hung up right above a twin-sized bed. The man walked over to the corner of the wall and turned on a lamp that lit up the room just a little, but enough that I could turn off my flashlight. I walked over by him and read the title on the front page of the newspaper. **"Man Falls Down Stairs, Losing Memory"** it said. There was a picture of my dad, or, the man standing next to me that looked like him, right before the article started.

_A man by the name of Jason Richardson, age 38, was walking down the stairs of his mother's house when he tripped and fell down head first. The fall was so long and the head injuries severe that he lost his memory. The mother claims that she saw him at the top of the stairs, but when he took that first step down, something went wrong. She said that he tripped over his own foot and then everything went down from there, literally!_

_Doctors aren't sure how long it will take for his memory to recover._

The article stopped there. There wasn't much news in the rest of the paper, which was probably why this was on the front page. It seemed like a pretty pathetic way to lose your memory, falling down the stairs. But maybe not. I looked at the picture of my father in the article, his name in print beneath it, and then back at the man standing next to me. It was him alright, everything added up.

"Are you Jason Richardson?" I asked, wondering if he even knew his own name.

"Yes, I am, well, that lady up there claiming to be my mother says so." he said.

"I think she's right." I told him.

"Well then who are you? Did my mother say you were Lindsey?" he asked.

"No. I know that's my name. My mother, not her," I pointed upwards,"named me that. And I think you did too. Dad, I mean Jason, I'm your daughter." His eyes widened.

"That's not possible. I can't be. Mother says I have no family besides her."

"Well Mother's not always right. Look, I have to break you out of here. I have to take you home, to my mother, your wife." He stared at me for a second, and then he opened the drawer behind him. He showed me a picture of Mom, himself, and me. We were at a picnic in a park. He pointed to what seemed to be me.

"That's you, isn't it? I found this picture in Mother's room, but I never asked her about it. She doesn't know I have it." He pointed to Mom. "Is that my wife?" he asked. I nodded. He placed the picture on his bed and moved on towards the stairs.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm going to have a chat with 'mother'." he said. He jolted up the stairs, the steps creaking beneath his weight. I ran up after him, but I knew I was too late. Grandma would find out, and I'm sure she'd be furious. When I got up there, Patricia was holding up Carly and Grandma was picking out pieces of glass from Carly's arm. When she looked over where Dad and I stood, she and Patricia gasped, and even though Carly couldn't make a sound, I was sure if she could she would gasp as well.

Grandma's face, full of shock, instantly turned furious, like I had pictured. She opened her mouth to speak, but Dad cut her off.

"Mother, this girl tells me she's my daughter. Is this true? Have you been lying to me?" he asked in an angry tone.

"Well, not really much. I mean, yes, she is, but, it was for your own good." she told him in a shriveled up voice. She was scared now, now that she had been found out.

"How is keeping me away from my own family good?"

"Look, Lindsey a nice girl, but your wife is a different story. Rosie just brainwashed you, she made a bad impression on me. The first day I saw her I was appalled. She walked in the house with those rainbow colored leggings and those funny looking shoes. Her hair was poofed up like a poodle! Now I know those were the 80s but come one, if any girl were to walk into my house looking like that I'd tell them to go home and change immediately. She changed you! Soon after you started dating her you grew out your hair and bought a leather jacket, a studded leather jacket! I couldn't believe it. My baby was being transformed right before my eyes." Grandma said, sniffling a few times.

"Mom, that was a long time ago, I think. I'm pretty sure I've changed, but it's honestly nothing to lock me up here for. I want my own memory back, and keeping me here won't help."

"I know, but I can't let you go back, not now. She'll call the cops on me! I should've called them on her years ago."

"Mom, she wasn't that bad."

"Oh, you don't remember the half of it! She was no-good lying thief. One time, I caught her trying to steal that pearl bracelet my sister got me for my birthday! She even back-talked me! That little brat cussed me out!" I stood there, astonished at what Grandma had said. Mom, cussing her out? That didn't seem like her at all!

"Look Grandma, I need him back. I need my Dad back! We both need to remember things. Keeping here won't solve anything. My mom, she's a lot better now. She cares so much for Amy and I. Please, just, let him come home." I pleaded.

"You know, it would be considered holding him hostage if you kept him here against his own will." Patricia said. Grandma shot her an evil look, and then she sighed.

"Pack your things, I'll take you home." she said.

"Now?" I asked.

"I was talking to your father. You're both leaving on Sunday." she told me, and then she escaped to the kitchen, leaving an awkward silence in the room. Dad sat on the couch and I went to help Patricia with Carly.

I opened my eyes on a Saturday morning to a sun-filled room. I quaint breeze was flowing through from the windows. I remember it getting hot in the middle of the night and opening them. I got out of bed and went into the bathroom down the hall. Looking in the mirror, it was such a lie to say that my stomach had not gotten bigger, because it was obvious it had. It was very noticeable now, something your eyes couldn't escape or ignore.

I wondered how long it had been. It was the middle of May now, so since Christmas day.... I did the math in my head. It had almost been five months! My eyes widened at the surprise of how long it had been. Time really had flown by, and to think how long four more months would be! I trudged on down the stairs and into the living room. Grandma was sitting on the couch with Dad. He was looking through a photo album while Grandma was watching T.V. When they noticed my presence they both said good morning.

"Good morning." I told them. Grandma kept her eyes on my stomach until she noticed I saw her. She gave me a quick smile and then got up from the couch. She walked over to me, taking her time.

"How long has it been?" she asked while staring at my stomach. It made me feel so uncomfortable, but I tried to ignore it.

"F-five months." I stuttered. She looked up at me, stunned, and then back at my stomach.

"Who's the father?"

"His n-name is Eli Micheals." I told her. She stood there nodding and then looked up at my face with a grin.

"Well, I never expected having a great-grandchild this early. It's making me feel old!" she laughed. I laughed along with her. I was trying to get along, hoping she wouldn't hate me as much as she hated Mom.

"Oh my...I'm going to be a grandfather." I heard Dad say. Grandma and I looked over at him. He was looking at his hair in a mirror hanging on the wall behind the couch.

"Don't be a sissy, you're fine. Just a few gray hairs you've always had." she told him with a smug grin on her face. He rolled his eyes and continued to look at himself in the mirror.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Grandma asked me. I shrugged. I hadn't really thought about it.

"Hm, lets go shopping today. I think you might like that, and besides, it'd make me feel better after last night. I'm truly sorry keeping you away from you father like that." she told me. I looked down and nodded.

"Well, get dressed while I make breakfast." she said. I did as I was told, taking my time and waiting for the smell of the food cooking to float up towards my room.

I started feeling self-conscious while walking past the stores filled with people. I was wearing an old, purple maternity shirt that Mom gave me. Then I saw it, the maternity section. I felt so embarrassed to shop there. Of course people would be staring, some in amusement and some in curiosity, and then some in disapproval. I felt my cheeks blushing, burning red as I walked towards the dreaded section. I walked deep into the center, so I was well hidden from others looking in this direction.

I shifted my weight to the right, but then I accidentally bumped into someone. She looked around my age, with reddish brown hair and green eyes like me. Come to think of it, she could have been my twin, her belly was the same size as mine too!

"Oh, I'm sorry." she said while blushing.

"That's fine." I mumbled.

"Who's the father?" she asked.

"His name is Eli." I told her. Her eyes narrowed, but then widened.

"That's cool. My guy is Danny. He'll be here soon." she said. That started making me freak out. Danny? Why did his name have to be Danny? It was such a weird coincidence, it couldn't be true! I looked around, wondering where Grandma and Dad were, but I couldn't see them, or anyone else for that matter. Everyone was gone! I looked back at the girl beside me, but this time, someone was standing next to her holding her hand.

"This is Danny." she said, glaring at me. I stared at the boy in shock. It was a perfect version of the Danny I knew. The same light brown hair, the same ice blue eyes, the same everything! He glared at me too. Both their glares burned into me. The Danny beside her started to fade, and then the scenery around me, except for the girl who resembled me quite well.

"He could be happy still. He could still be alright. He wouldn't be depressed now. He wouldn't cut! You ruined his life, all to stay with Eli, who ruined yours. He gave you that...thing you carry around!" she sneered while pointing at my stomach, a look of disgust in her eyes. She grabbed my arm and dug her nails into it, deeper and deeper. Then she threw me down. I was suddenly falling, falling in an eternal black pit.

I was desperate for a hand hold, to stop the dizzying feeling and the to stop my fall. My eyes flew open. I found myself on the same exact staircase I was on the night I was with Carly in my dream. The night I found Dad. I looked around, but I only saw Carly, no Dad or Patricia or Grandma, just Carly. It was only a dream. I was sad, but also glad. I was sad because I had never found my father, the fact was that he was just dead, but on the other hand, I was glad it was over because I didn't want to hear my subconscious telling me the truth-that I had ruined Danny's life.

"W-what's going on?" I asked, even though she couldn't speak. She opened her mouth, but then shook her head. She took my hand and led me up the stairs and into the bedroom I was sleeping in here. She grabbed her dry/erase board and started writing away. She handed it to me when she was finished.

_You fainted when you saw me cut my arm with the glass. I could tell you were getting uneasy, but like you said before, keep going, even if you do get sick. But I stopped, I'm sorry, I ruined the plan._

"You didn't ruin it. I was stupid to even do all of that in the first place. I'm so sorry, it's just, I got so curious. Let's not do this anymore. And, I'm glad you stopped. Good job." I said smiling at her.

It was time to leave, and even after that odd dream, I was still curious about what was hidden in that basement, but not as curious as I used to be. I greeted Mom with a smile and hug and hopped into the car, preparing myself for the drive home. It wasn't that far, only and hour or two, but still, the silence would be unbeareable. She'll probably ask questions, but eventually those will stop, then she'll turn on the radio, but nothing good will be on, so she'll turn it off, leaving us in an awkward and unbearable silence. I already knew all of this somehow, it was easy to figure out, being on long rides with her before.

She got into the car, turned the engine on, and backed out. I laid my head on the window part of the door and stared out at everything we passed, eventually falling asleep. When I woke up we were at a gas station. Mom smiled at me when she noticed I was awake.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." she said. I smiled at her and then looked around. I saw a few people next to their cars filling them with gas, but not many.

"Want anything from inside? A drink or snack?" Mom asked. I nodded my head and she handed me a twenty-dollar bill.

"Thanks." I mumbled while hopping out of the car. I walked towards the doors and inside, hoping no one would start judging me, but maybe I was just paranoid. I walked over to where the snacks were, and my eyes widened excitedly when I saw the one snack I remember being addicted to. The two words were clearly printed on its package. Beef Jerky. I quickly grabbed a bag or two and then went to get a drink. I grabbed a soda and then went to pay for my things.

When I got to the cash register the cashier was texting on their phone. It was a girl who looked around my age. Her bright blonde hair was tied in a messy bun and she had on tons of eyeliner and mascara. When she looked up at me she almost smirked. She looked up and down and then rolled her eyes. That made me so angry, but I tried to restrain myself. I guy that also looked around my age walked up to the girl. He whispered something in her ear, and apparently it made her furious because her eyes widened and were filled with shock and hatred. She clenched her teeth and stomped off in a different direction.

"I'm sorry about that. How may I help you?" he asked politely with one of those adorable tones that most girls would be all over in a heartbeat. He was defintely a guy any girl would love to go out with. He had hair that was a sweet caramel color and eyes that reminded me of dark chocolate. They had a depth to them you would never get tired of staring into. His flawless skin was slightly tanned and had some muscle on him, yet his skin stayed smooth and soft over it. His nametag said, "Hello! My name is Trey."

"Um, I'd like to buy these." I told him while placing my items on the counter.

"Sure!" he said while scanning them.

"Sorry, again. She's just, being herself." he told me while handing me my bag and receipt. I raised my eyebrows.

"She gets that way around anyone prettier than her." he said. I felt myself blushing.

"Thanks." I mumbled. I headed for the door but then looked back. He was smiling at me. I smiled back and waved, he waved too. I walked out of the door, happy that someone had defended me and had been nice. I walked towards the car with a grin on my face.

I unpacked as soon as we got home. I was glad I was back. Of course I missed Carly and somewhat Grandma, but I missed this place even more. I heard someone walk in. I turned around to discover Amy standing there smiling at me.

"Hey!" I said.

"Hey, um, you might want to go see Danny. He's been leaving messages on the phone machine asking where you've been and saying that he needs your help." she told me.

"Oh, I'll go there now. Can you drive me?" I asked. She nodded her head. We told Mom where we were headed and then we were off in the car to his house. As the car pulled up to his driveway, everything seemed different, it seemed silenced.

"I'll wait here." Amy said. I nodded my head and got out of the car. I walked towards the door, but noticed a note on taped to it.

_Lindsey,_

_The door is always open for you._

_Love,_

_Danny_

I opened the door, finding it unlocked. I walked inside, shutting the door behind me.

"Danny?" I called out. There was no answer. I waited a few seconds, and them _BANG!_

"DANNY!" I screamed. I ran up his stairs and straight to his room. When I flew the door open, but what I saw was Danny, lying on a blood-soaked carpet. I ran up to him and held him in my arms. His eyes looked lazily at me. He opened his mouth a little, like he was going to say something, but he didn't.

"No, Danny. No please! Don't go!" I said, the tears burning my eyes and rolling down my cheeks like rain in a storm. My desperate gasps for air were useless. I wanted to look into him one last time, just to see his soul. I looked at his eyes and focused. I saw it. Him, lying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood. The light was dim, and sadly, it was fading too. Suddenly, he looked at me, into my eyes. That was a first. The light started turing a pinkish color, and even though it was dim, I could tell.

He still loved me, even after everything he still did. But why was he doing this then? Why?

"DANNY! NO!" I screamed in my head with all my might, but it was useless, his light was going out at any second, and the darkness was coming. I soon fell into it, and I was sure that by now, Danny had fallen into his darkness too. Though his darkness would be different. His body would be cold and lifeless, but I was sure his soul would live on. Maybe into a darkness but then a light, a new light. One that wouldn't go dark for awhile.

Everything started flowing through me in a rush. The memories that I thought had been lost flashed through my head like a lightening bolt. It all came so fast. Maybe because just as Danny's life probably flashed before his eyes, mine was flashing before mine, even though I was not dying. I was only experiencing someone dying, and I guess that was enough.

When I woke up, I was lying on something uncomfortable. A cot? Possibly, but it was a little far up. I was in a small, recangular area. I looked around, but I only recognized two people. Amy and Mom.

"W-where am I?" I asked.

"An ambulance." a lady answered. She was dressed like a doctor. I suddenly remembered everything that happened. The note on the door, the loud bang, Danny on his carpet dying, his light fading, and then my memories flooding back into me. I felt tears coming on, but I let them flow out.

"Danny." I sobbed. I said that name over and over again until I got a reply.

"I'm so sorry, but it was too late for your friend." the doctor lady said.

"But how?" I asked in a whiny, high-pitched voice.

"Well, we found a bottle of pills clutched in his hand, so we figured he tried to overdose, until we saw the bullet in his side. He was bleeding to death. There was nothing we could do when we got there, I'm sorry." she said. She probably wasn't even sorry, she probably just thought of it as another teen with a messed up mind. But his mind wasn't messed up, he was just suffering.

"It's my fault!" I cried out.

"No it's no-" Mom started to say.

"Don't you get it?! He took the pills, but when he heard me call out his name, he shot himself! The pills weren't quick enough! They just...weren't. I could have saved him! If I were here this weekend..." but I trailed off. My odd dream from Grandma's house crept back into my mind. I really could have saved him! The pills just weren't quick enough to ease his suffering.....The sentence repeated in my head a thousand times, torturing me with guilt, sorrow, and hatred for myself.

"I have to help someone with the body. I'll be back in ten minutes." she told us. As soon as she stepped out of the ambulance Amy rushed to my side. She handed me something, a crumpled piece of paper? I unfolded it carefully and instantly recognized who wrote it, Danny.

_Dearly beloved Lindsey,_

_If you are reading this note right now, I'm sorry to say that I won't be there to answer any questions you have. I feel like doing this is the best way I could move on. I'm not sure where I'm going, but wherever it is I'm sure it's better than the position I'm in now. I was suffering from the emotions eating me up inside. There was a bitter taste in my mouth that would never quite go away. Don't blame yourself in anyway for something I did, I simply couldn't reach you in time, so I decided to take matters into my own hands._

_I wrote something for you:_

_Goodbye my love_

_It's almost time_

_Until I close_

_My weary eyes_

_Don't blame yourself_

_It's not your fault_

_You brought me peace_

_When all was lost_

_I hope you know_

_Forever more_

_The love I felt_

_For you of course_

_To say goodbye_

_Would bring me tears_

_But I now know_

_I'm finished here_

_I meant that. I will always love you even though I've moved on. I only regret leaving you. I'm truly sorry, and I hope you get your memory back, though if you do, it might be harder for you. I'm glad you're with Eli, he's a good guy who will take care of you. But just a warning, stay away from Sharon from now on, and don't let anything bring you down as badly as I was. I love you so much, but I had to do this. I'm sorry._

_Love,_

_Danny_

I couldn't stop myself from letting the tears escape like pouring rain an a cold, empty day. They intensly burned my eyes and made my vision blurry. They streamed down my cheeks and onto Danny's letter. I hugged the letter close to my chest and cried. The face I loved so much, that I thought was getting better, was gone, dead. I will never see that face again, or the wonderful expressions it held. A memory came to mind.

_I walked up to the light blue door, and grabbed the cold metal handle, opening the door and entering through. It was warmer than it was outside, but not by too much. I escaped to the bathroom to look myself over, to make sure I looked alright. I looked in the mirror. I was wearing a lilac colored dress that cut off just above my knees and flowed out gracefully. It was strapless but I had a little white sweater on over it. On my feet were white, strappy heels. I bought the heels and the sweater with my own money, but Amy lent me the dress._

_My hair was up in a bun with a few pieces that were hanging out curled. I stepped out of the bathroom and headed towards the dance floor. The music was so loud, but I got used to it. Everyone was scattered around the dance floor. I walked towards the refreshment table to grab some punch. When I looked in the bowl containing the red liquid, the ladle was nowhere to be found. I looked around, wondering if anyone was holding it for some strange reason, but no one was._

_I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around. It was Danny Shapell. I'd always admired him from afar. His hair was that pretty light, golden brown color, and his eyes were a gorgeous ice blue color! I was shocked that he was standing in front of me, and that he was holding the punch ladle in his hand._

_"Looking for this?" he asked in his sweet, soothing voice. I nodded my head slowly. He stepped up to the table, grabbed a cup, and poured the punch in using the ladle. He handed me the cup and then went to make his own._

_"The principal forgot to put it in the bowl, so she gave it to me to do so." he explained._

_"Thank you." I told him._

_"Sure." he said, after taking a sip of his punch, "Would you like to dance?" _

_"M-me?" I asked, surprised that he was actually asking me._

_"Yeah. I've got nothing to do." he said. He would have though if his ex-girlfriend hadn't broken up with him in the first place. But now I had something to do, and a smile broke out upon my face._

_"Okay." I said. He took my hand in his and we walked out towards the center of the dance floor. He held both of my hands and we started swaying side to side. My heart would beat faster and faster each time he held me closer to him or his eyes looked into mine._

The memory was over, but only saddened me more. He was right, having all my memories back did make things harder. Amy and mom hugged me tightly while I sat there with salty tears running down my cheeks. I doubted I would ever get over this. It felt like a nightmare, that I would wake up at any second and Danny would be smiling at me with a happy face, that the car accident would have never happened and that I wouldn't of ever lost my memory.

My tears of pain fell for him, and only him. It was like crying rain, or even worse, a waterfall. All the way home I cried, and even to my room. I couldn't get over it. The memories made it a lot worse. Everything I didn't remember before, I remembered now, and it gave me the most terrible headache ever. It was like a hot, irritating pain on the inside of your head, like a pain on your mind. Even the tears gave me a headache.

That night was the worst ever. I soaked my pillow and sheets with tears, and had to keep replacing them. Finally, I just crawled into a corner and cried there. I locked my door and told Amy and Mom to go away whenever they knocked. I literally cried myself to sleep in that same corner soon after, with tear-stained tissues scattered around me. And then, my dream had begun.

_I was lying down, on the grass in a park. All I could hear was the rushing of the warm, gentle wind and birds chirping off in the distance. It was a warm, sunny day. Not too hot, but not too cold either. I was wearing a gorgeous white dress that had a laced white corset with it and the bottom flowed out beautifully. There was a daisy in my hair, which flowed out in long, luscious ringlets through the wind._

_I saw him coming, his golden brown hair flowing around too, and his ice blue eyes looking more like a river, sparkling in the sun. He walked up to me, his face calm and relaxed. He smiled and slowly kissed my cheek. My heart fluttered with joy sending a smile across my face. He held my face with his hand and started speaking in a lovely, quiet tone._

_"You miss me, don't you?" he asked. I nodded my head and frowned, remembering that once my dream was over, he would no longer be with me._

_"I'm sorry. I couldn't stand being without you, but I guess I made a stupid descision, because now I won't be with you at all. I'll be watching you, but I won't be with you."_

_"I understand." I told him grimly._

_"You read my note, right?" I nodded._

_"Good." he said, looking out at the trees beyond us that were swaying in the breeze._

_"I'll stay with Eli, you know that. And, oh god, if I was only there that weekend...." I trailed off. I felt guilt wash over me, sending tears through my eyes._

_"It's not your fault, it's mine for being impatient." he said. I shook my head in disagreement._

_"Just, please don't be sad, I love you, and I don't want you to be this way. I guess I shouldn't have..done what I did. I should have thought about it more."_

_"You should have never thought about it in the first place!" I pointed out. He nodded and then kissed my lips._

_"I'll love you always." he whispered._


End file.
